A-Sexy: C is for Cunnilingus part 3

Sadly men extend their tendency to lie into the bedroom. Anything from “this has never happened to me before” to “I love you, marry me” will be heard. I remember a poem by Roman poet Catullus who said something about what a lover says in the throes of passion should be written in the winds and the running waters. Same goes for cunnilingus.

But there are some lies my precious which are just excuses. Excuses which mask the fact that what you really have before you is a selfish lover.  More on these in part 3 but this is the point where you should grab your purse and run but if like me you are horny and just want to give your Lelo toy a rest I understand why this doesn’t always happen. Just make sure you don’t fuck him twice mind. The first one I’ll allow but the second, shame on you.

Let’s be clear that when we go down on them we are being invaded. Your mouth and sometimes throat must accommodate that musty, sweaty appendage of his and often times he doesn’t help by suddenly jerking or daggering your throat with his jerky rabbit like coming techniques. And yet we persist.

1)      Men if she isn’t smelling fresh then pour a little liquor on that there vagina and start licking. I know you never spill a drop of Hennessey so the challenge isn’t that easy. My favourite is champagne as the bubbles add a nice tingle but then I add champagne to everything

2)      If you have managed to score yourself an overnight visit wait until after her shower then surprise her with some.  That said she may have feigned fatigue and chucked you out if you use any of the silly stock excuses you men rely on.

3)      No man need put more than his tongue in a woman. Lips and suckage are great though as with all oral avoid using teeth. PLEASE!  I’ve never seen a guy try to get his whole face in there so why do they make as if what they are doing is so hard on them?

4)      There is absolutely no pain or discomfort involved in this activity. Of course if she is sitting on your face and you can’t breathe then it may be worth you making a noise before you are smothered to a beautiful orgasmic death but even then she isn’t actually meant to be sitting on your face. Just squatting.

5)      Explore with your tongue. There are crevices, soft spots and liquid loveliness that can be found if you take the time. A quick dog like lick up and down of the overall area including clit isn’t going to do it I’m afraid.

6)      The clit shouldn’t be forgotten it is part of the vagina too and just so you know, less likely to offend your sensitive palette.

7)      What you can’t do with your tongue make up for with your fingers. Put those lips to use too. Imagine it’s fruit that you want to suck the seeds out of. You do have an imagination right? If not then you really shouldn’t be down there at all.

8)      Don’t look at it like it’s going to bite you. Some can look scary especially when there is a lot of hair but I’m sure an hour of vintage or Japanese porn will make you immune to it. Think about what she has to wade through to get to your meat and two veg, eh?

9)      Blowing is a no. Where did you learn this trick? Not the one and I remember hearing that it can be dangerous.

10)   Don’t rush, take your time and respond to her subtle (body movements) and not so subtle (her telling you or pushing your head) guides.

Remember this guys, there is nothing that a fully satisfied woman will not do for you. Ultimately that’s what you want, right?

Right that’s tonguing done. What’s next? Oh yes. The cum!

© Chelsea Black