Categotry Archives: Sex


The public train ride

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Categories: DATING, Misadventures, Sex

Sex train

When the sex train pulls in. Recently we’ve been celebrating 20 years since university which has meant a flurry of photos of a slimmer, more confident me. I know right? All that teenage angst and I never had to worry about what I ate or wore. EVERYTHING fit. But I digress

The Boyfriend

In one of these photos I spotted an ex. I thought 15 weeks of therapy and a marriage had exorcised all of my demons but apparently I can still hold a grudge? Hey, I’m a Taurus. Once you really piss me off then you may as well just move countries. Which he did. He moved to Scandinavia.

He was a cute guy and initially we were friends as we were both into sport. He was younger than me but somehow we ended up dating each other. I don’t know how relationships at university ever started but I don’t recall an official ask out. Just one day our names were joined.

Things were fine until we had sex. 9 minutes after we started he was done. Was I being punk’d? Youthful inexperience I guess.  Initially he was apologetic but then he got all cocky and he thought he’d done something special by being in my bed? Like he’d blessed my life with that 9 minutes? Oh dear god! But I was young and didn’t know how to tell him he was shit without damaging his rather large but fragile ego. His cock wasn’t so large sadly. But again, I digress. I should have just hurt his ego.

The train

A few weeks later there was a group picnic up a mountain. You had to take a train up this mountain. Everyone broke off into groups and pairs. We wandered off, started making out and he suggested we go hide out on the waiting, empty train. I’d not gotten much spontaneity out of mr mediocre and missionary so this was surprising. He shocked me by suggesting the cowgirl. Wow. A change is a coming!

What I didn’t know is that he’d told ALL his hall of residence mates and we had a group of spectators who gleefully brought friends. So dude couldn’t last more than 9 minutes but he thought literally exposing me to the elements was a good idea? Before we got back down the mountain later that day the story had spread like wildfire and I was labelled a slut. Having sex with my boyfriend on a train was a sinful act apparently.

And thus began a campaign of idiots thinking it was ok to approach me on campus and ask for sex. Guys are stupid when presented with a sexually liberal woman at the best of times but this? This became group bullying. Sadly the women on campus were worse because apparently some women deem themselves to be the moral compass for all other women. It’s not nice to be pariahed for any action but especially one that wasn’t of your making. But I don’t know any of those people now. They don’t influence my life. You learn to get on with your life and move to the chugging motion of your own train I guess.

The result

Needless to say when some women told me what had happened we broke up.

9 minutes contacted me on Facebook a few years ago and I’m not going to pretend I was pleasant. I have come to understand that I don’t have to forgive or be pleasant to everyone from my past. He’s a father with daughters apparently. I think I’m meant to care?

Yeah, it’s been 20 years but I’m nowhere near forgiving him and his nonsense. Sue me. And not all #tbt photos from the past evoke pleasant memories. But sometimes, when I’m on a train I think of that time and smile. I think, fuck, he lasted a whole minute longer!

© Chelsea Black 2017


Mr Marcus and the syphilis

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Categories: Celebrity Gossip, Sex, Tags: , ,

I’ll keep it short and sweet. I’m angry. Porn as I know it has been compromised and no one messes with the sanctity of porn.

BBC Pack
Here’s the deal. There are a number of black male porn stars who, love them or hate them you’ve   mr marcus4got to respect their prolific game. 5 off the top of my head in no particular order are Mr Marcus, Sean Michaels, Lexington Steele, Mandingo and Justin Slayer.  Their porn is varied in quality and style, interracial and black on black, all straight but, it’s prolific and like all film industries that’s what counts. The need to get more and more of it out there. Volume over quality story lines. Let’s call them the BBC pack.

So imagine my horror today when I read about Mr Marcus getting jail time for having ‘the syphilis’.

Wait no, that’s not right. It’s not illegal to have syphilis. What’s illegal is being the dumbass that altered documents that said you had it to trick others in the industry into thinking you didn’t have it so that you could carry on working. And how badly were they altered that people could tell? What did he use, a crayon?

Who is Mr Marcus?
Let’s rewind. Mr Marcus has always been the cheeky chappy of the BBC pack. He has this endearing smirk and keeps his socks and sneakers / timberlands on unnecessarily. You’ve gotta love someone for not taking it all too seriously.

But then don’t be a douche and willingly have sex with people for money when you know you’ve got an mr marcus2STD. What idiot does that? Initially I was going to march outside the courthouse because I assumed that he was just being penalised for contracting it but no, he decided that he wasn’t infectious to others so he was going to infect others. I await the civil case because the 2 women in question don’t look like they’re going to let this one die down without some compensation despite being syphilis free. So, no more Mr. Marcus for me.

And what of the responsibility of the industry? Surely by now they should have their own system for ensuring that people are being honest instead mr marcus3of relying on documents pornstars bring themselves? Or just made everyone wear condoms.

And, I would like to take this opportunity to remind men that no matter how crusty your feet, say no to sex with your boots on. I’ve never met anyone that told me they find that sexy. No really, never!

Mr. Marcus, don’t drop the soap.

© Chelsea Black


Sex Lies and Rinsing Guys


Categories: DATING, DATING TIPS, Sex, Tags: , ,

 Sex Lies and Rinsing Guys.

TV show on rinsing guys.  Being self-employed is a pain in a recession and I’m always looking for ways of making money. I’ve already been offered the fabulous opportunity of sleeping with men for money by a guy I met at a networking event. Strangely over lunch he suggested that we go 50/50 with him finding the men and me sleeping with them as well as finding other women to sleep with them. I thought, hold on here. I  was the one who would be doing all the work. Hello! I found myself trying to negotiate an 80/20 before remembering that I didn’t want to be a call girl or a Madam. That book has already been written and I don’t think ITV 2 would commission the black rip off.

Rinsing lives on!

But last night on Channel 4 there was a delightful show on women who rinsed money and gifts off of stupid lonely men but never slept with them. I’m not convinced that some of them didn’t sleep with them. No instead they had jobs like glamour models and street promoters for clubs in Mansfield and yet bragged about the lucrative life of rinsing. This programme put me off Mansfield for life. The nightlife and opportunities just didn’t really seem like the right place for any single girl let alone a rinser.

This phenomenon which isn’t new at all but just easier with social media and the rise of the internet raises three issues for me. One, glamour modelling has clearly suffered in the recession as well as being so exploitative that people have to supplement their incomes. Secondly these women were clearly willing to sell themselves for money and yet claimed not to sell their bodies. Isn’t this also known as fraud? Third, 2 of the 3 rinsers were single mothers. Where was the alimony / child support? And why were they doing it?

Rinsing traits

One theme seemed to be that you had to be bullied at school to become a rinser. So the theory there is that these women are getting their own back for all the emotional abuse they suffered as ginger kids? Then watch out bitches because there will be a lot of ethnic minority rinsers coming to a twitter feed near you soon if bullying is a key factor. Some said they did it because men are stupid and think with their dicks. I can’t argue with this. Some men are stupid but there was something about them that seemed bitter and hurt and felt that they were entitled to punish all men for the crimes of a few. If this was the case then dating bloggers must be by default the wealthiest rinsers ever and yet I haven’t had that memo. Excuses.

No, these were somewhat intelligent girls who didn’t want to work particularly hard (and yet seemed to work hard at manipulation) , used their looks and were gleeful over a watch or a pair of shoes they had gotten out of some guy. Bless them they didn’t realise that they were still being used or exploited sex or not.

One of the rinsers actually compared her use of skills with being a nurse? I was finished. A nurse goes to college lovely and learns a skill. She doesn’t post semi provocative pictures of herself on a website and charge guys £200 for the clip. It saddened me because these women could have made serious money as entrepreneurs with their work ethics. Instead they used their looks.

Rinsing little

And for all that work one of them made less than £1000 a month? She was disappointed when she realised someone had only given her £30 Calvin Klein earrings.  And herein lies the difference. Anyone knows that Calvin Klein isn’t a jeweller. But she didn’t. She just knows that Calvin Klein is a big brand. I felt sorry for them as it just doesn’t seem like the British ones are doing that well. Yes one is writing a book about becoming a Gold Digger so I’ll wait for the stilt walker from Mansfield to finish writing that. Clearly she hadn’t gotten a laptop out of her rinsing as she was writing it neatly in a note book, bless. And she couldn’t google because she would have known that gold digging books are already out there.

Men still winning  

Who is rinsing who?

I watched the show thinking if this is what they can get by not sleeping with the guys could they imagine how much more they could get if they did? Real rinsers know better than to go on the show, expose their craft and get dumped. These were the struggling wannabe rinsers also known as your lazy friend who always has to borrow money from you on a night out. Black cabs don’t accept Jimmy Choos as payment.

And yet these women thought the guys were stupid?….I’m going to argue that these women were damaged and say no more. Studying for a degree or calling them stupid when stranded in New York doesn’t make you any smarter.

But let’s face it without sex and becoming the girlfriend you really can’t rinse for long. It’s a bad business model because he will want something younger, tighter and more willing to sleep with them. Learn from those that know ladies. Call Amber Rose!

© Chelsea Black


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