So recently I was listening to yet another guy I thought I was getting to know talk about some woman he really liked but she was giving him mixed messages and what did I think it all meant when it hit me…..I’d been friend zoned yet again! Why does this happen to me? Apart from the fact that I let it happen it’s clear that some people are just that good at putting you in the stealth friend zone department. And perversely it’s as if they are flirty when they’re not sure that you like them but the minute they know that you like them….game over.

Let’s be clear people. If you go on a date with somebody this is not a precursor for a friendship. Surely we all have enough friends that we don’t need to be meeting new ones on dating sites or clubs. If you are one of those men or women who don’t have enough friends please make yourself known. I’ll give you some of my zone 4 friends I’ve been trying to shake for a while.

Please be careful my precious these relationships are easy to get into with those ambiguous individuals who never state their intentions clearly but instead seem to love having objects of their desire fluttering around them.

Here’s my new mantra. If I’m friend zoned then I’m grabbing my purse and I’m running. these people are pure energy suckers and timewasters. Why? There is nothing worse than being in that friendship where you want someone so badly but instead you have to smile at all their stories of woe with someone undeserving whilst you’re thinking “Pick me! Pick me!”

But in the mean time here are the top 12 clues that you’ve been friend zoned

You know you have been friend zoned when HE:

1)      Starts calling you mate, buddy or blud

2)      Stops calling you luv, sweetie and gorgeous

3)      Refers to you as clever, smart, funny, quirky, rock chick or…unique.

4)      Used to say sexy, gorgeous, cute, lovely

5)      Starts telling you about his issues with other women or issues at work

6)      Gives you hugs that last between 1 and 3 seconds max. Never a kiss.

7)      Never calls you but when you call is really pleased to hear from you them starts talking about himself

8)      Calls to make plans last minute cos the girl he likes cancelled

9)      Invites you around and doesn’t even bother to tidy his underwear away

10)   You go to the movie and he insists you both watch some crap that you hate

11)   Burps and farts in front of you and says “Better out than in”

12)   Tells you how much of a GOOD FRIEND you are

You know you have been friendzoned if SHE:

1)      Calls you when she has something wrong with her IT or car

2)      Calls you when she needs money

3)      Calls you when she needs someone to go shopping with

4)      Calls you when something in the house needs fixing and says she’ll leave the key under the mat

5)      Tells you that she’s grumpy cos she’s on her period and can be a right bitch. Wanna hang out?

6)      Says “why do men do that?” when telling you about other guys. Like you will have the answers

7)      Tells you all her crazy family gossip

8)      Allows you to see her with her face unmade up, hair undone or weave out.

9)      Awwwww ‘s at you a lot or refers to you as a teddy bear

10)   Gives you that pity look when you talk about being single. Like she can see why you are?

11)   Calls you when her date left her in the club for being a drunken lush but still doesn’t give up the p**sy.

12)   Tells you she sees you like a brother. No one wants to fuck a brother.

That’s it! I’m devising a 1st date feedback form. Cos none of us want to live with the not knowing and these clangers of clues that men and women drop.

Happy Dating / Friend Zoning!

© Chelsea Black