Categotry Archives: DATING TIPS

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The birthday balloon

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Categories: BLOG, DATING, DATING TIPS, Latest

So the other day I was at a birthday part with my friend Linda. It was a slightly older crowd with kids so kind of like a mini wedding. These are the best kinds of parties as everyone knows someone, they’re there to celebrate and you can do a background check with relatively little work. I know my precious but the trust issues run deep.

I wasn’t expecting to see anything worthy of a blog there. It tends to be couples and families. A lot of the women side eye you for being there without a man but, I too was just there to celebrate a friend’s birthday. Single women aren’t pariahs. We can be invited out and behave ourselves….sometimes.

Any hoo, I was in the kitchen fixing my 3rd or 4th vodka cranberry when he came in. If this was the 90s he would have been perfection. Tall, yellow caramel, built to bang. Perfect. This man was so hot he made me squint and I couldn’t help but get a little glisteny as he hugged all of the kids hello. That background check 2was going to be easier than I thought.

We caught up with him later at the drinks table again. OK, OK it was a lushy night. He was having water because he had to drive home (A car! Tick!! My taxi bill is getting unmanageable). He dropped in how he was family and then…..the change happened.

Like the incredible hulk he started talking about the mother of his kids. How for years he had to take her to court for this or that. Excuse me? Did we know this guy though? Is this a new flirting technique that the baby daddies think will work?

So here’s the deal: No matter how crazy your ex is, they are your ex. You chose them. You then proceeded to have children with them. Not one but 3 times. I asked him when she changed and he said not long after the 1st one. And yet he had 2 more? Huh?

As he went on and on about their court battles and how it was affecting him my body got stone dry. No amount of vodka cranberry was going to get me moist. This man was basically still in a relationship with his ex. They had just replaced sex with litigation. And the air of expectation left my body.  argue-460

He did ask if either of us had kids and indicated that he would have more himself but I thought, who would want to deal with that kind of toxicity? It can’t be healthy for anyone involved least of all the kids. There was way too much emotion involved in this situation. It all sounded like tantric foreplay without the smug satisfaction.

And with these words I implore the single men out there to seek help. Talk to a professional not to single women at parties about the shit that’s going on. Resolve it. Learn how to handle it or not to handle it but don’t, and I mean really, don’t lead with that shit and think anyone will be wanted to go home with you that night. It’s pillow talk not pillow therapy. Give your penis a fighting chance to find a warm place to lay his head that night. Don’t allow a birthday party moment to delate like a balloon.

Needless to say I didn’t flirt or smile with my eyes. I just wanted to go home and call my daddy and tell him how much I loved him. Hey ho!

Father and daughter indoors playing and smilingHappy Hunting!

© Chelsea Black 2015

 

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Dating Recession check

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Categories: BLOG, DATING, DATING TIPS

So there is such a thing as not being able to get a date for love nor money. I’m in such a phase of my dating cycle. 5 years ago there were 5, 6 dates a week and I was riding the dating high with tales galore and a wardrobe to match. This was before the need to post every single outfit on Instagram or facebook. Seriously, how many times would one want to be seen in the same LBD?

Ok lots of them were NSA dates but, hey count to, right? Don’t judge my precious. It’s not cute.

But then the dating bubble burst adating recession 2nd now I’m in negative dating equality My friends are starting to say it’s me. Words like, ‘too picky’ are being bandied around with careless abandon whilst none of them are offering anyone from their back up crew. You know, the 5 guys most women have that they could get with if pressed but don’t because it wouldn’t work out for long? Men have backup crews too. They call them friends they fuck.

How is it that this year I’ve only managed to have ONE date and that one was based on my spending hundreds on plane tickets and warm clothing? This isn’t a life, this isn’t how dating is supposed to be!

Back in the day we were giddy on dating. Now you think twice before you leave your house. I don’t understand it. My male friends tell me that they don’t want a drinks date to turn into a dinner date. It’s too expensive. Huh? Is this dating recession completely financial or is there more to this phenomenon meets the eye?

Finances

I get it you don’t want to waste money on a full on dinner. And god forbid she’s a drinker. That bottle of wine can dating recession 4quickly turn into two. Yes, yes the average woman does the reach for her purse but if you are old skool you wouldn’t dream of letting her pay for it. In my case I seem to be asked out a lot by men whose wallet gets detached from them more often than not but for those that don’t why would you really resent paying for a dinner date? Is it because deep down you still think that dating is a transactional relationship in which sex is paid for? I would check what dating really means to you as I have no problem buying dinner for a new friend or colleague so why would dating be any different. You can also dictate where you go for dinner and make sure that it’s within your budget.

Over supply

The internet has given people way too much access to people before the date. I don’t need to ask you over Nandos what you’re into because your eharmony or facebook profile told me everything I would normally ask to assess your suitability. It’s taken the mystery and anticipation out of dating a little. It also mdating recession 3eans that we can both be dating 20-30 people at one time without breaking a sweat. Tinder and Grind’r mean that it’s much much more. Dating is a loose term to describe anything where we are talking with the intent of somehow hooking up. I know some of you have your harems.

Exhaustion

Maybe you’re just tired. Dating is stressful and after a while it does start to feel like hard work. No longer butterflies and frantic calls to friends on what you should wear. Instead it’s fitting it in between work and Masterchef. You may have dating burn out in which case take a break and come back to it later. Don’t force it.

Time wasters

I hate being interviewed but having dating enough I know quickly dating recessionwhether someone is worth bothering with. Friends and my mother will say give them more of a chance but, when it’s a no, it’s a no, right? The most recent one went on and on about himself on the phone and didn’t seem interested in me at all. So I know I’m time poor and don’t have time for waste men. Most of us don’t want to date. We just want to relationship. Unfortunately for men women still want the courtship so this lack of emotional seduction often doesn’t work. I don’t want a guy who is all too comfortable spending time in my flat but doesn’t think going out and exploring the city is important. Right there our values differ.

So check yourself on your dating recession. Yes there are a lot of options out there but by now you should know what’s important to you and what you want out of dating. Maybe you’re burnout and do need a break or maybe you’re still living like it’s 2012 and the recession was hard. Get yourself a taste card or a nandos card. You won’t regret it. Keep looking, stay positive and that right house, I mean person will come along.

Smooches x

© Chelsea Black

 

 

 

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Dear Wives with cheating husbands

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Categories: DATING, DATING TIPS, Latest

Dear Wives,

This is like one of those open letter things that celebrities write to other celebrities to ride on their PR except I’m wrwivesiting to all of you in one hit and you’re not famous. So then not an open letter at all. more an ode to an open letter? I digress. Let’s get down to business.

I’ve noticed an increase in the phenomenon of blaming the other woman when men cheat on their wives. I think it comes with the increase in mass hysteria over anything amplified on social media. The other woman did not do this to your marriage. A marriage we likely had no idea about at the beginning. Your husbands are cheats, chances are they are liars too.

Firstly, a number of you are under the misconception that every woman who is single is after your husband. This is far from the truth. The 5 top reasons are simple

  • He has financial responsibilities that make him an unattractive prospect. Even if he has money some of that will ALWAYS go to you and the children first. That is not attractive.
  • He can’t spend the night and therefore finish off what he started the night before. I don’t want to ever be rushed to orgasm because he has to go home to tuck in Junior or watch a school play.
  • He can’t leave the country for months at a time because that would be suspicious even to you who seemingly don’t feel the need to monitor where he is.
  • He’s a self-employed part timer so no matter how sweet his sweet talk is it’s on his time and never when we are tipsy and horny. Where’s the fun in that?
  • He’s married. His whole family, friends and work people know that he’s married and it isn’t to us so, we aren’t about to be treated with any kind of respect when we meet these people.

I’m tired of you as wives acting like victims who have been hurt by mistresses or side pieces or whatever you call us. Instead you should be angry with your husbands who are the ones with a legal, moral and emotional obligation to you. Most of the time we donwives 3’t know you. We don’t want to know you and we have no responsibility to care about you and your emotions. Our job is to take care of ourselves. Dating is hard enough without having to think about another woman. It’s like being in a REALLY bad 3sum where you don’t even get to play out that college lesbian fantasy. Nothing in it for us.

We are all selfish and want a man of our own. We don’t want your man because your man has baggage and can’t be trusted, clearly. We want Noah in the Notebook or, Jack in Brokeback Mountain. We don’t want a half arsed man who will undoubtedly cheat as that’s what he does.

Now I know you can’t be mad at him because then you would have to accept that he’s not perfect and then you would have to fix him. Or leave him and you don’t want to face that possibility. We are an easy target for your emotional outpouring. We get it. It’s much easier to vilify someone else who will disappear over time (pregnancies not included). But this is unreasonable. We are not your husbands. Blame the person responsible for fucking up. The cheat? We aren’t cheating on you.

Most single women spend a lot of their time avoiding your husbands. We try hard to ensure that he’s available at the beginning but they’re slimely little fekkers. Check their whatsapp and facebook. Don’t check ours.wives 2

So let’s stop with the bashing of the other woman. Nobody chased your man down and made him pull his dick out. He’s a man. Even if a woman was to do this he can say no.

© Chelsea Black 2014

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