Categotry Archives: DATING TIPS

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How to Netflix and Chill

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Categories: BLOG, DATING TIPS, Latest, Tags: , ,

netflix Netflix and Chill is now a thing.

Brothers, my brothers. I know that times have been hard. I sympathise. We’ve gone through another recession and a Conservative government but, why does dating have to suffer? Why are we all being punished for the decisions of politicians and the limitless options tinder has given you? I beg we reconsider the Netflix and Chill date. This is simply a rebrand of the DVD and takeaway date of 2008-12 but, still essentially the same thing. You invite a woman over so that you don’t have to travel, spend any money and you have easy access to a bedroom. We get it. For some dating is all about the sex. But, lie to us at least until date three when we can convince ourselves you’re not a psycho.

I don’t find the ‘come on over date’ particularly attractive. Apart from the huge safety risk there are a number of key problems that are hard to circumvent. Dating shouldn’t be an assault course of potential problems in the early days. Let’s take a closer look.

Setting the scene

Netflix and chill is code for watching a random film whilst dude tries to figure out a way of getting a woman naked and sexed up. The woman is sitting there trying to decide if he’s matching underwear worthy or if she should save it fothCAZFQAW3r a date next week. This is a delicate balance as one wrong comment on how UKIP has some valid policies and the night could end prematurely for both of you. So say as little as possible. This is where décor, snacks and what you watch become important. Trust me guys, this can be the difference between a lacklustre hug, snog or you breaking out that spare toothbrush you’ve been saving for that surprise overnight guest. Always aim for the tooth brush even if you are going to put her in a cab later.

Décor

Ok so a bit of a bachelor mess can be charming. Stepping into a hoarder’s paradise however is likely to get her to call social services. I’m not suggesting that you hire in a cleaner but, at least make sure that the lounge, bedroom and kitchen are accessible without danger of disease or injury. Soft lighting will also help you with your playstation / xbox / wii (wait, is this the same thing? I have no idea) focus and hide any dirty so don’t be afraid to break out the candles. It hides the dust.

Food

I’ve had guys telling me that they’re going to feed me and I get there to find that their idea of food is Saturday morning snacks in between cartoons. I’m not expecting an African or Caribbean feast and certainly not dessert but a tin of sweet corn or some dry looking Jacobs crackers tell me that you didn’t prepare for this. Thank goodness we have Just Eat et al on speed dial! I say no food isn’t going to work for less. You need something to smooth over the awkward silences when the onscreen couple are kissing and you haven’t yet. Food is foreplay. Splash out on Doritos and dip!

The film

I don’t have a television. My current knowledge of TV shows comes from social media and the curiosity that may lead me to google and watch stuff. So getting me over to watch an episode of your favourite sthCA1CHS3Zci fi programme is not the one. Getting me over to watch a Nollywood film which is half way through is also dodgy. Even with porn, I’m going to want to know the backstory. What motivates her, gives her a reason to dress up like a slutty school girl and go door to door selling cookies to apparently new neighbours. All of this is super important! You’re trying to seduce a woman so maybe think about what she wants to watch too. Nobody wants to sit there watching a box set with you unless they’re into it too. And there is the risk that she may just fall asleep. Nothing worse than turning around to find she’s passed out from boredom. Try harder.

The kiss

Is this High school? What’s with the creeping arm over the sofa ? If you want to kiss her, kiss her. Stop with the friendzone ‘will I won’t I’ crap. If she’s there and she’s sat through your mess, bad snacks and dodgy favourite show then you can take it as read that she likes you. But, and I ask this with respect, don’t just get naked and hope that she’s going to hop right on it. Seduction is more subtle than that

If you’re going to Netflix and Chill, do it properly. Don’t cheapen what is already a cheap date.

Right, I’m off to find me some matching underwear . You never know my precious!

© Chelsea Black

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Looking for Love Part 2 The language of Love

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Categories: BLOG, DATING TIPS, Latest

Then we’ve got languages

This is one of those things you see in magazines. ‘Get a hobby!’ they say. I want to say quite clearly that for some, dating is a hobby. It takes me hours to get ready for a date. From the clothes I’ll say I’ll wear then discard then probably wear anyway to the venue we go to there is a lot of time and energy that goes into dating.

A poplol 230715ular one is Language classes although I think they are hit and miss. So why are you giving me a hobby that is more like being back at school? I was in an all girls’ school. I don’t know how to flirt and learn at the same time. You can meet someone yes but you also have to do a lot of homework and, what if their accent is really insulting to everyone including the professor? I see this as I have to face the weekly torment of one guy insist on speaking only in an East End languate during our 2 hour French class.

Yes I’m doing French. Not to meet men because there are few men in the class but, to meet French African men. I know my precious, I like to plan ahead. You never know and English speaking men are only part of the dating pool. You’ve got to speculate.

And chances are he’s not going to be there sitting next to you in the class. I’ve been learned French for nearly 3 years and the only black guy was engaged and talked about his Belgian girlfriend incessantly. We get it, you’re getting laid on the regs. No need to rub it in. Then there was explosive guy who got really upset and frustrated when nobody understood him. Maybe that’s because you were being pretentious even in French and nobody cared that you knew 16 different types of truffle oil. Or was it 6. Must put in more time into numbers.

Niche dating is also a possibility with languages. As the increase of African 2nd generations grows so does the need for those who lol2want to reconnect and learn the language. But seriously this is a serious investment of time into finding a man. Sometimes it’s best not to know what they’re saying anyway as they tend to mumble in man speak. Maybe for some it might be easier just go on t’internet and wear a low cut top? Or lower cut. Let them find you 😉

 

Chelsea’s Tips

  • Avoid places like SOAS if you’re into niche dating. That’s everyone but black guys. Try these short Twi, Yoruba courses and see what pops up 😉
  • Don’t pay for more than a term as you may want to widen your net and go for a different school if the pickings are low
  • Go early and stay late so you can see who else does classes on the same night as you. IF the school doesn’t have a decent reception or café then abort mission . You will be limited to 2 hours of a class with 12 then 9 then 4 other people for 2 hours. You may as well have some perve time pre and post class.

© Chelsea Black 2015

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Looking for love in all the right places Part 1: Sporty Spice

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Categories: BLOG, DATING TIPS, Latest

Sometimes I get asked how I meet so many men. The short answer is that I know a lot of people and I have a butt so men find me . The long answer is that I put the work in and try lots of different things anyway so bumping into penis isn’t that hard if I’m honest. Sorry my precious. I wish there was a better answer for you. But, just in case you are looking for a few here’s where I suggest you go. This is broken down into a few parts as I’m sure I’ll add to it over time.

Sporty Spice

Men love sport. Most mensweaty-workout_0. Some pretend to love sport but just like playing video games with sport in them. Don’t be fooled. These are a different breed entirely. Let’s be honest, if you’re not that into sport then don’t pretend to be into sport. There’s nothing worse than trying to fake your way through a sports conversation with someone that lives and breathes it. I used to love football but I prefer to play not watch so don’t follow any leagues anymore. Yes it would make sense to follow it for dating small talk but I quickly learned that most men don’t value a woman’s opinion on sport and definitely not football. So don’t do it for that reason. Do it because you have a passion for something. Like Cosplay or fancy dress. I could do that without breaking a sweat. Nothing to do with a guy but, who loves a dressed up superhero? Geeks, that’s who. Geeks tend to be good people to date. They’re passionate about something already so know how to love even if they may be lacking in other areas.

If you’re a runner then running clubs are a good pick up these days with certain crews and clubs getting ready for half and full marathon season. Start in the slow group and don’t be a champion. If you were one of those girls that skipped 3 km during cross country to have a fag then this isn’t for you. Nobody needs a heroine for the sake of maybe getting a date. Runners are also not a social group. In fact they’re quite introverted in general so choose a club carefully. Not one with too many serious runners.

What I like abridget-jones-499411_w1020h450c1cx532cy248re classes like insanity , spin, body pump. Don’t get me wrong, I would never do them as I don’t have that kind of death wish but for those of you that have gym memberships make it work for you. Avoid those guys that are on the weights looking intensely in the mirror. That’s the same way they have sex; checking their muscles out as they flex over you. Damn, I miss that Gym Bear dude.

That said, anything that helps get you in shape can only be good for you. Just enjoy it and don’t make it all about getting penis. Trust me, no woman has to work hard for that!

Chelsea’s Tips:

  • Know your limits and don’t kill yourself for the love of a sport loving man
  • Try a few places before you commit. This way you can check out the footfall and how much of it is male and worthy of you breaking out those Christmas spandex leggings auntie bought you.
  • Sport isn’t for everyone. If you’re not into it then be a great masseuse or at least learn to make sympathetic noises for when his team lose or he gets injured. Be that cheerleader if only for the role play outfits alone

© Chelsea Black 2015

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