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Digging Deep male gold digger

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Categories: BLOG, DATING, DATING TIPS, Latest

Digging Deep – the male gold digger

Dating is a glorious activity but, like all fairy tales with quests there are villains. So recently the question of gold diggers has come up. The Male gold digger.

They exist! Remember Mel B’s ex? Not Stephen Belafonte the other one? No, the other one! Jimmy G the Dutch dancer? And the indomnitable ex of Britney Spears? Kevin F redefined the smash and grab male gold digger. Yes they’re both dancers but, if I’m honest I don’t think it’s related to a whole career. Maybe just

No my precious, the average dater has to contend with a more mediocre type of digger. But, diggers they are. The dating digger. There are varying levels of digger but essentially these are men who date for financial or social gain. Not so much the rinsing of online women, no, these ones are interviewing for a Sweetner Mummy to help them through to the next level of life. These men aren’t ready to adult and are happy to prey on women who may not have that much themselves.  Be careful. I’ll take you through the obvious ones:

Dinner Digger

You go out on a date and he doesn’t put his hand in his pocket when the bill comes? Dude ate a storm though and was even deliberating between starters and desserts because, this may be his last decent meal this week. Dude was all about, ‘Shall we order another bottle of the Italian red? It does go well with Wagyu beef.’ This guy dates to live.  If you play the bill staring game then, pay the bill then grab your purse and run, he’s too pathetic even to date. This man is not for you. A new trick is for guys to throw in £30 after they ascertain you’re paying by card when the bill is clearly over £100. Selfish lover. Move on

Date Digger

Forgets his wallet, doesn’t ever pay for anything but is happy to suggest a trip away, hotels, plays he wants to go to, seminars he has to go to to make it to the next level. This is basically a professional student looking for a bursary and mentor. The implication being that he would like to adult but doesn’t quite know how. Dude is 43.  He has a job. His lifestyle is not your financial responsibility.

Den Digger

Too any questions about your living situation are the red flags. Who you live with, if you own or rent, how much you’re paying, how many bedrooms etc. It’s interview 101 and you may think it’s because he wants to shag (there’s a possibility that this is an access question because he lives with a wife or parents question, true) but to be honest you need to work out if you ever saw yourself moving your clothes out of your spare room so that you can move him and his comic and trainers collection in.

If you’re happy being dug and this is how you get your relationship high then fine but, let’s just accept that the dating recession has led to a lot of diggers out there looking to milk. You’re not a cow.

Happy Dating!

© Chelsea Black 2017

 

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Wing Woman Woes

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Categories: DATING, DATING TIPS, Misadventures

Last night I met one of my besties for tapas and a long overdue catch up. (OK ..eff you judgemental lot. Yes I had paella and tapas because tapas isn’t a meal! It’s overpriced starters in way too little bowls.)

Afterwards we ended up at Grace Bar because they played 20 seconds of one song I vaguely remembered from the 90s and I had to go in for a dance. This soon turned into a verse and a chorus of every song released in the top 10 in the last 20 years with no bass and the same dance track bed but, it was too late, she had already been chatted up. What can I say? I have friends who’ve got it like that. Kanye shrugs

Her dude seemed cute but a quick sweep of the room and I settled myself in for a night of reckless dancing among the work Christmas party revelers.  There was nothing for me to see. I lie. There was a dude at the bar but, I thought he was sitting. Turns out he was standing. He was nipple height at best and I’m not looking for a man baby. I went back to dancing my winter woes away.

The animation of the drunk couple next to me was lovely although he did snog her like he hadn’t eaten that day. Take a breath my brother. Save a snack for later. I moved away in case some of his saliva missed her mouth. I couldn’t take risks.

I figured I was safe as I kept a close eye on my friend and her new friend. But then a single woman by herself means that guys assume I was up for being chatted up too. I tried my best, ‘dude, I’m just here for the music resting bitch face’ but the resilience of alcohol was on their side meaning they just ignored me. Patriarchy is still alive. My friend’s new friend wanted to impress so bought us both double vodka cranberries. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I don’t drink and when I do it has to be Grey Goose. It was rank. I think they were rationing out cranberry that night? I politely sipped and thought, this is how men can drug you. I was too nice to say no to a drink I didn’t even want for  a penis that wasn’t even chatting me up? Sigh. I went back to dancing on my own. Sadly no Robyn was played that night.
Then the chancers came over. I know my job is to keep them distracted whilst the transaction between my girl and her new amour occurs but, I’ve forgotten what it was like to wing woman apparently. Why was this dude who had the odour of forced celibacy mixed with an inability to find a shower talking to me? Why was the other dude with the unusually long torso and munchkin legs trying to Strictly twirl me to a Little Mix song? A long shirt and low hanging trousers weren’t helping.  Was his name Luigi or, was this 2001 all over again where he was claiming Italian but was really from Eastern Europe? What were Little Mix actually shouting out to their ex? So many questions but I just stared at him blankly.

I was finally released from my Wing woman duties as numbers were exchanged and I made my way home. As I ubered back to the safety of my sofa I realised that wing womaning isn’t easy oh! I need to rebuild those muscles for small talk and guys leaning in way too closely.

Is there a class I can take? Because I don’t want to fail my friends. And we all need a wing woman once in a while.

© Chelsea Black 2017

 

 

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10 signs you may not be a tinder match

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Categories: 40DayDating, DATING, DATING TIPS

Signs you may not be a tinder match just from your photos:

1) Sedated lion, tiger, snake. Let them be free an wild!
2) Photos with children that you didn’t birth. Why are they online with you when your 3-8 aren’t anywhere to be seen?
3) Photos with you outside a car. Is it yours or are you still #TeamOysterCard like most of us? Am I meant to be impressed?
4) Only white friends and/or women. Like dude, you don’t have cousins and shit? That one work colleague even if they aren’t in the same team?
5) A photo of a bottle of laurent perrier by itself. Yes it’s pink and may appeal to the ladies but, why is this your calling card ?
6) All serious faced photos with not one smile. I’ll assume gold front teeth.
7) Only head shots. I have female friends who are selfie goddesses. I know what this means. Accept your budda belly like we have to
8) You on a camel or with your finger on top of a famous something. Eiffel tower, a pyramid, Taj Mahal, holding up the Pisa Tower….sigh.
9) a chest shot with you crouched over to make it look like you and the gym didn’t break up 12 years ago (that’s when we split up too. Ooooh look! Something in common)

10) Click bait memes about what a good woman wants from a real man followed by a titty / booty image. Er, yeah no.

#40daydating #day49 #final15 #WhenWillItEnd #12DatesToGjudge judyo
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