Categotry Archives: DATING TIPS

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Why friendzoning is bad

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Categories: DATING, DATING TIPS

guys friendzoning themselves

friendzone

 

I know the title may seem like clickbait but we need to talk about the dangers of friend zoning. Being friends with a person who just wants to bang you at any moment of vulnerability is not the one. There’s an arrogance to being a perpetrator. Like you know better than them that you are their perfect partner even though you aren’t being honest in your intentions? Maybe so but if they’re not seeing it it’s time to exit stage left. Or you think you are owed something for all the time, effort and energy you put in? Transactional much? Be facebook friends and keep it civil but stop pushing your agenda on someone’s life. Rant over

Firstly friendzoning is a two way street. I’m going to assume it’s a man who is more into the woman in this blog but as we know it can work either way. It’s not a game. I don’t advocate making people jealous or faking niceness but I do think you should tell the person how you feel.  A true friendship is about honesty and not using others without their explicit permission.

Ladies

Learn to say no. You don’t need to have a harem of male friends who fawn over your every life moment and are there for you when the guy you don’t want is with the woman he does. I’m not saying don’t have male friends but stop choosing male friends whom you know fancy you and are just waiting on a chance to fuck. Is it a power trip? Do you enjoy the attention? Might I suggest a pet like a kitten or a puppy? Actually, no not a kitten. It’s a slippery slope from that to non pvc wearing cat woman.

And guys,

Accept her no and move on. Don’t hang about waiting for her to get drunk or cry on your shoulder over the next guy who doesn’t love her then you can slip her some comfort D. She’s not that stupid that she can’t see through your bullshit. She’s just drunk. Or vulnerable. Neither is the start of an amazing love affair. She’s going to resent you in the morning. Pity / begging sex won’t last either.

Statistically I would say that the conversion from friendzone to accidental fuck can be high but to partner? Very low. You’ve spent the first however many weeks/ months/ years not being honest so, how is that a basis for a relationship?

I had a guy friendzone me for 10 months. The problem is that he made me feel that he was soooo close to being ready for a relationship. Turns out he was always ready just, not with me? And there are the bipolar friendzones where it flits between relationship and friendship but they always pull the official, ‘I don’t owe you any emotional responsibility card’ when it suits them. A dangerous breed indeed. Steer clear!

I’m making an anti friendzone stand and need your help. If you are residing in a friendzone then, get out. Just end the friendship. It’s not real anyway. If you are the recipient of the friendzone then, let them go, I beg. There are too few people out there wanting a relationship. Let them go find someone who will love them back. Nobody owes you anything for the time, money, effort you’ve put in. Nobody.

And if you are just into playing games then, well fuck you, stop. It’s so not fun for anyone else .

© Chelsea Black

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Digging Deep male gold digger

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Categories: BLOG, DATING, DATING TIPS, Latest

Digging Deep – the male gold digger

Dating is a glorious activity but, like all fairy tales with quests there are villains. So recently the question of gold diggers has come up. The Male gold digger.

They exist! Remember Mel B’s ex? Not Stephen Belafonte the other one? No, the other one! Jimmy G the Dutch dancer? And the indomnitable ex of Britney Spears? Kevin F redefined the smash and grab male gold digger. Yes they’re both dancers but, if I’m honest I don’t think it’s related to a whole career. Maybe just

No my precious, the average dater has to contend with a more mediocre type of digger. But, diggers they are. The dating digger. There are varying levels of digger but essentially these are men who date for financial or social gain. Not so much the rinsing of online women, no, these ones are interviewing for a Sweetner Mummy to help them through to the next level of life. These men aren’t ready to adult and are happy to prey on women who may not have that much themselves.  Be careful. I’ll take you through the obvious ones:

Dinner Digger

You go out on a date and he doesn’t put his hand in his pocket when the bill comes? Dude ate a storm though and was even deliberating between starters and desserts because, this may be his last decent meal this week. Dude was all about, ‘Shall we order another bottle of the Italian red? It does go well with Wagyu beef.’ This guy dates to live.  If you play the bill staring game then, pay the bill then grab your purse and run, he’s too pathetic even to date. This man is not for you. A new trick is for guys to throw in £30 after they ascertain you’re paying by card when the bill is clearly over £100. Selfish lover. Move on

Date Digger

Forgets his wallet, doesn’t ever pay for anything but is happy to suggest a trip away, hotels, plays he wants to go to, seminars he has to go to to make it to the next level. This is basically a professional student looking for a bursary and mentor. The implication being that he would like to adult but doesn’t quite know how. Dude is 43.  He has a job. His lifestyle is not your financial responsibility.

Den Digger

Too any questions about your living situation are the red flags. Who you live with, if you own or rent, how much you’re paying, how many bedrooms etc. It’s interview 101 and you may think it’s because he wants to shag (there’s a possibility that this is an access question because he lives with a wife or parents question, true) but to be honest you need to work out if you ever saw yourself moving your clothes out of your spare room so that you can move him and his comic and trainers collection in.

If you’re happy being dug and this is how you get your relationship high then fine but, let’s just accept that the dating recession has led to a lot of diggers out there looking to milk. You’re not a cow.

Happy Dating!

© Chelsea Black 2017

 

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Wing Woman Woes

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Categories: DATING, DATING TIPS, Misadventures

Last night I met one of my besties for tapas and a long overdue catch up. (OK ..eff you judgemental lot. Yes I had paella and tapas because tapas isn’t a meal! It’s overpriced starters in way too little bowls.)

Afterwards we ended up at Grace Bar because they played 20 seconds of one song I vaguely remembered from the 90s and I had to go in for a dance. This soon turned into a verse and a chorus of every song released in the top 10 in the last 20 years with no bass and the same dance track bed but, it was too late, she had already been chatted up. What can I say? I have friends who’ve got it like that. Kanye shrugs

Her dude seemed cute but a quick sweep of the room and I settled myself in for a night of reckless dancing among the work Christmas party revelers.  There was nothing for me to see. I lie. There was a dude at the bar but, I thought he was sitting. Turns out he was standing. He was nipple height at best and I’m not looking for a man baby. I went back to dancing my winter woes away.

The animation of the drunk couple next to me was lovely although he did snog her like he hadn’t eaten that day. Take a breath my brother. Save a snack for later. I moved away in case some of his saliva missed her mouth. I couldn’t take risks.

I figured I was safe as I kept a close eye on my friend and her new friend. But then a single woman by herself means that guys assume I was up for being chatted up too. I tried my best, ‘dude, I’m just here for the music resting bitch face’ but the resilience of alcohol was on their side meaning they just ignored me. Patriarchy is still alive. My friend’s new friend wanted to impress so bought us both double vodka cranberries. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I don’t drink and when I do it has to be Grey Goose. It was rank. I think they were rationing out cranberry that night? I politely sipped and thought, this is how men can drug you. I was too nice to say no to a drink I didn’t even want for  a penis that wasn’t even chatting me up? Sigh. I went back to dancing on my own. Sadly no Robyn was played that night.
Then the chancers came over. I know my job is to keep them distracted whilst the transaction between my girl and her new amour occurs but, I’ve forgotten what it was like to wing woman apparently. Why was this dude who had the odour of forced celibacy mixed with an inability to find a shower talking to me? Why was the other dude with the unusually long torso and munchkin legs trying to Strictly twirl me to a Little Mix song? A long shirt and low hanging trousers weren’t helping.  Was his name Luigi or, was this 2001 all over again where he was claiming Italian but was really from Eastern Europe? What were Little Mix actually shouting out to their ex? So many questions but I just stared at him blankly.

I was finally released from my Wing woman duties as numbers were exchanged and I made my way home. As I ubered back to the safety of my sofa I realised that wing womaning isn’t easy oh! I need to rebuild those muscles for small talk and guys leaning in way too closely.

Is there a class I can take? Because I don’t want to fail my friends. And we all need a wing woman once in a while.

© Chelsea Black 2017

 

 

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