Categotry Archives: DATING

Sometimes you have to sit down and ask yourself some life defining questions. Why am I here? Will I be a good mother? Why am I such a size queen? Hmmmmm…….

• Is it because I’ve only seriously dated larger than average guys long term and therefore subliminally associate size with longevity? (no pun intended)
• Is it because I believe that as a curvy woman you need a man of size to be a good fit in certain positions?  (there’s little worse than asking, ‘Is it in yet?’)
• Is it because I’ve been ruined by Porn where the average big black cock really is big and black and deliciously cocksure?

Probably yes to all of the above. I’m a spoilt princess but then, you knew that didn’t you my precious? Size is mydeal breaker. It’s not anything he can change but for me it’s a standard. Some have a thing about height, weight, race, gender. It’s a sexual attraction. It doesn’t say anything about what kind of person they are (although as society we do think that tall men are more successful and that overweight men and women are lazier?)  So I’m proud to be a size queen.

Ever hear the one about it not being the size of the sea but the motion of the ocean? Who came up with that crap? A man. Give me size!  Stop trying to tell me that I should be satisfied with something smaller that moves differently.  Why is the world intent on telling women that we should settle for ever and that compromise is a good thing? I may suggest you compromise on where you live or whether you have to go see his mother that weekend.  But on sex? No.

I know that there are certain men out there who will only date women with significant size boobs or butts. I’ve dated my fair share. Their thing is that they know what they like and no matter how much she moves it you can’t fake natural jelly. Others are just happy they’ve got a woman that will get naked for them. We are all different. If a guy turned around and said he couldn’t date me because he’s a breast not butt man I would shrug and move on. That’s his loss. And I accept that I MAY be missing out on many a cute guy with a small dick. That’s a loss I’m prepared to accept.

I think we have lied to men long enough about it. In the same way men have a physical type so do we have a sexual type. I know women can get better boobs and butts now but just you wait, the real penis enlargement solution is coming and when it does we better hope it’s offered on the NHS.

Of course there are some women who love them. The ouch ouch girls who brag about being so tight and can only really manage a little one. These are the same women whose hair you must never touch. I’m not putting any pressure on anybody. There is someone for everyone.

So when asked the question DOES SIZE MATTER there really is only one answer for me and I say it loud and proud.

YES!!

© Chelsea Black

You still don’t have kids!!

I called an old friend last week after 2 years of no contact. Like me he is divorced. Unlike he me has a child. I discovered that he got married last year to a lovely woman who should have been his first pick if we are being honest.  And as much as I love my friend by the end of the conversation I was considering letting another 2 years pass before we speak again. He told me not to deny myself children. Sagely I considered this. Yes this is what I have been doing. NOT!  Doesn’t he know that the dating jungle has changed since the advent of social media and globalisation! I didn’t choose this!

But then I thought about it and maybe I did? I’m a stickler for the use of condoms and most of my relationships have a 3 strike policy / 3 month time limit. Is it me? No.

I’ve done the typical thing of considering sperm banks but:

1) the UK refuse to release photos  of sperm donors. I don’t want to take the risk of ugly.

2) black sperm availability is drastically down since the no anonymity laws came in and they suggest that your child look as much like your family as possible so don’t just grab any ethnicity.

3) I actually don’t want to do it alone. I would rather someone else be there to tell them off about their grammar or whatever it is that parents moan about.

I wonder when being single and childless will be seen as a positive for women as it is for men?  I have had conversations with everyone from strangers to relatives who look at you pityingly and then they say something patronising such as;

“Don’t worry, you’ll find someone soon.  “Or worse, “What do you think you are doing wrong?”

Quite simply there is nothing that I’m doing wrong. I’m out there enjoying my life and hoping that I bump into the poor sod who will fall head over heels (but not my good heels) in love, as will I, and we will spend the rest of our lives laughing and shagging our way through the days and nights. Is this too much to ask? I really hope not. And I don’t want to be one of those women that dates with the view of turning every man into a donor. Let’s face it, most are for giggles.

So next time an old friend calls try to be a little sensitive if they still hasn’t managed to breed a litter of hopes and dreams. Maybe she’s waiting to trip up some unsuspecting man and fall strategically on his penis. Like Mel B.

©Chelsea Black

Bad boys, bad boys. What you gonna do? What you gonna do when they come for you…..We DATE THEM apparently

So I was recently on the Chrissy B Show talking about bad boys.  I have little experience but I had to reflect and there in the crevices of my dating cluttered mind I recalled the one bad boy I dated.

I had recently moved to a new country and this guy approached me at work and we started dating. He loved his cars and seemed to hire a lot of them on the weekend. He was an ex model and used to play for Arsenal youth. This was the first embittered almost footballer I had met so I didn’t realise that this breed existed until my early twenties. But then he was always late, took hours to return text messages and lived with his mother. Any fooling around at his place was very, very quiet. Finally my mother intervened and told me that this guy was a mess. I ignored her at first but then when I discovered that he had another girlfriend and I was lucky no 2 I grabbed my purse and ran….into the arms of my husband. The relationship was fraught with highs and lows and not enough interaction for me to feel adored. I realised that the reason I got involved with him was because I was bored and all of my friends were in a different city so then I joined the gym. I realised that I hated the gym so I joined the local bars instead. Everyone has their own interests.

I can’t lie. I don’t get women’s fascination with bad boys. Low self-esteem and insecurities aside it just doesn’t make sense! You will not change him. He will just grow out of it at some point. If his growth coincides with when you are together then that’s pure luck. But by that time you will be a shell of your former self. I’m not sure that it’s worth it.

I was asked why some women go for bad boys and I had to think long and hard. If I get a whiff of a bad boy I’m out of the door. I was raised to be a princess my precious so clearly I don’t know how else to be treated.

But my view is that most women who gravitate towards bad boys are bored with their own lives. I meet a lot of women who don’t have their own hobbies and interests except dating. Dating is a hobby for most and finding a potential partner is the Olympic gold. So of course they go for men who are interesting and offer excitement.

So yes we have all done it but, let’s break the cycle. A bad boy just isn’t worth the few highs that you may feel. Throw him back and get yourself a guy that will treat you well. It may sound hard but if he’s raised correctly he’ll be worth the wait.

© Chelsea Black