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The 7 Kwestionable crimes of Kanye West

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The 7 Kwestionable crimes of Kanye West – so far

Whilst I understand the latest slavery as a job opportunity has rattled many I think we have to accept that Kanye West has priors. Like seriously the pressure of early success is a lot to live up to so now he’s just pissing people off because he’s bored. He’s that dick dude who can’t stand to see other people happy so he’s wallowing in dark thoughts and asking kwestions about how he got here.

Let’s take a look. There are many KWest crimes but these are just the ones I recall without googling. I’m too lazy to give the KKKs any more cookies.  Just to be clear I don’t like KWEST-KarKrash and I don’t follow him and yet he bleeds all over my social media. I’m going to add to it real quick. Roasting is a choice!

Kanye Kwestions West

Kanye

  1. Verbally attacking and vilifying Amber Rose. I guess now we realise that she just had too much black in her? *coughs*
  2. Marrying into the KarKrashes. How are you joining the band of mediocre husbands and boyfriends? I thought you weren’t into gold diggers? Dude, I’m sure she only married you because your name began with a K!
  3. Naming your kids like you’re Gwyneth or Beyonce. A half black child can’t survive this kind of future bullying. You should know this.  Please home school. No wait, family issues…..please boarding school.
  4. Trying to convince us that you were a fashion designer. I will never forgive you for dressing up sweat shop leftovers as a whole collection then making it do the catwalk.
  5. Kooning about your love of Trump. Nobody cares. Not even Trump. Shit, now you’ve made me write that dude’s name twice. I hate you Kanye.
  6. Stupid comments about slavery. I would like him to comment on the holocaust next and watch his public death. He’s not stupid. He knows who he can attack and play with.
  7. Manipulating people into thinking you are some kind of unstable genius who is messed up because his mum died too soon. Nah.  We know this recent show is for the album sales.

 

We have no more kwestions on why. We are all just over it. Darn it! I had to google to get a photo. Sigh.

In other news I did enjoy his tackling of Taylor Swift on behalf of Big Brother Jay’s woman that one time. That’s it

 

Shit I forgot about the staged , maybe it was for insurance Jewellery theft thingy in Paris. I’ll blame the family for that one

© Chelsea Black

 

 

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Why Halle berry didn’t fail

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Categories: BLOG, celebrity, Latest

thCAFM53YP Last night there were a couple of posts on Facebook about the recent decision by Olivier Martinez and Halle Berry to get a divorce. Divorce happens. They seem to be handling it sensibly with a joint statement talking about how they were going to do this amicably with love and in the best interest of their son. Sounds fair? I thought so.

So why am I reading all this shit about Halle Berry? Disclaimer, I don’t rate her as an actress at all. She’s just ok. The best acting I’ve seen her in was when she accepted the raspberry or strawberry award for Cat Woman. But somehow her rich love life has turned into a character assassination.

I read about how one woman didn’t believe that David Justice ever beat her up despite the restraining order and another about how she’s just crazy. Not one person had anything to say about Martinez who doesn’t strike me as a walk in the park at the best of times. Dumping pert bum Kylie? Nah mate, I’m guessing you’re not easy either.

This morning I grabbed a copy of a free paper called ‘Metro’ and the Headline in the stellar rag read ‘Halle’s Divorce #3 – Heartbreak for Berry as she fails in love again.’ The article inside was actually clear thhbat this was a mutual decision and that she would be protected by a pre nup but, somehow they’re declaring her a failure on the front page?

Apparently it’s the responsibility of a woman to keep a marriage together. Goodness knows what the man is doing whilst she’s fighting all sorts of bullshit to achieve this but yes, women everywhere take note: If your marriage or relationship fails then it was down to you because you carry the burden of the blame for ‘failing’. Fails? She’s getting divorced not sitting her A levels . Unless there are classes and an exam I don’t see how this can be considered a fail. Meanwhile he’ll be in the house somewhere playing with his penis talking about what they’re going to get up to next. Because divorce for men is freedom but for women is failure.

And how is she the only one responsible for a whole relationship and marriage? Why is this an acceptable way to view relationships? Ah it must be her fault because she’s been married before and she’s got ovaries so, yep, let’s ‘blame’ her. Then again I didn’t hear one bad word about Brad Pitt over Jennifer Aniston and yet there has been plenty of negative press about ‘poor Jen’ and her inability to find or keep love. The woman has dated 5 eligible bachelors since Brad and nobody should be feeling sorry for her! Both women have found love more times than most of us who are still struggling with finding the tricky second date.

Let’s movethCARHBSBA away from this notion that people fail at relationships. Relationships don’t work out and that’s life. As far as I’m concerned she’s winning. Oh and don’t think the shady photos of her shopping in sweats and looking less than pristine whilst he looks fine in all the photos posted has gone unnoticed. You may want to paint her as difficult or crazy but I just see yet another woman trying to find her happy. Fuck you, Metro.

So yeah, #HalleBerry #Winning . Now, let me get back to finding a date and doing my Sudoku.

© Chelsea Black

 

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The Open Relationship, Emma and Fairtrade

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Categories: BLOG, celebrity, DATING, Latest

After the least sympathised breakup since Brian Harvey and Daniella Westbrooke we have now been told that Chris Martin and Gwyneth were in an Open Relationship but that he’s been unfaithful.  Boo hiss, no, why! How dare he cheat on Emma, I mean Gwyneth. She’s so blonde and perky and vegan. This feels so wrong. And with someone who was part of an entourage? Not even a mini celebrity like a Kardashian or an ex contestant from The Voice? (Maybe he learned from Giggs and didn’t go fame whore celebrity. Does Emma, I mean Gwyneth, have a sister?)

Chris Martin 2Then I thought about it again. I don’t think it’s technically cheating if the relationship is open but who am I to question the heteronormative positioning that is the Metro? And do we care where Coldplays stick their penises? He was hardly interesting celebrity fodder before he got with Emma so why should he get interesting now?

I’m being harsh but Apple’s mum brought celebrity glamour to that coupling and uncoupling. She brought Hollywood royality and was looking for her British Mr Knightley.  He brought songs and a commitment to Liberal vegetarian Fairtrade.  That was hardly a fair trade. Boom boom.

I think the whole Open Relationship thing is bound for failure. Like 3sums they sound great but most of the time you’re competing to beopen relationships the one that gets the most outside nookie or you’re just unable to deny yourself other people and want that get out clause. Yes, I’d love to find a man that wanted to be in an open relationship but let me have more outside nookie than he did. I’ve yet to meet this rare specimen and I suspect that if he did come into my life I would assume that he wasn’t that into me and walk out. Tres contraire.

So do we care whether he’s sleeping with some chick from SNL backstage ? No, because his crimes to humanity are far, far graver. He’s breaking up with Emma which means he’s no Mr Knightley and ….he’s still writing songs that put me to sleep. Apparently he suffers from insomnia. He should try singing himself to sleep.

Typically I ask myself why do I read articles by journalists so shit they don’t have their name on the Chris Martin and Gwynetharticle. Then I thought, is this what happens when you try to make up stuff like uncoupling when at the end of the day maybe he’s just done suckling her size A tits and, you were never that sexy to begin with Chris.

No, the most interesting thing about Chris Martin is that he was IN an open relationship at all. Well done Chris. You’re almost interesting….

© Chelsea Black

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