Categotry Archives: A-sexy: Etiquette Guide

F is for Friends with Benefits – A F*ck buddy by another name

I don’t understand this notion of friends with benefits. I think this is the Facebook equivalent of it’s complicated. So you like the person but you don’t want to date them? Why not? You don’t mind having sex with them time and time and time again, learning what they like and feeding them but you don’t want to label it?  Someone please explain.

Here’s the thing, as I lay out in F*ck buddies you cannot like someone you are just having sex with. Friends, true friends will do considerate and nice things for you and you’ll laugh and enjoy their company. This is dangerous territory as one or both of you will get emotionally involved. This is also code for you will have to listen to their problems and some of those may include listening to them talking about other women

I had a FwB who loved to do this. I think he wanted more but I just couldn’t do it. He wasn’t ambitious and thought it was wrong to want better in life. We weren’t a match in many places except the bedroom and the kitchen. He loved to cook tank goodness. But then once in a while he liked to tell me about his other women that he was talking to / shagging. I would tell him wht I thought was best. Then one day I thought it safe to share my latest issue with a crush. My crush was going through a post-divorce angry with all women phase and I wasn’t sure if I should just be his friend or run for the hills. I told him the scenario and waited for his pearls of wisdom. They never came. Instead he found a reason to argue and drive me home. (after sex, mind) So it was clear that the friendship was only a one way thing when it came to talking about other people. He told me later he hoped to make me jealous with his tales of other women.  I just thought he had dodgy taste and why did they all live so far!

You can’t be friends with benefits. One of you will not cope with it. I know it’s meant to be a sign of maturity if you can hang and shag but it’s not sustainable. We aren’t built to like those we shag except those we are dating. It’s too damn complicated.

Some will disagree. Those are the ones that weren’t emotionally involved and hoping for me. Go back and ask your “friend” what they wanted out of the scenario. Chances are at some point they wanted more.

© Chelsea Black

Facebook Value part 2

So you have to be able to put an accurate valuation on your stock. The good thing about a woman’s stock is that some of it is controllable.  These two aren’t but many of the others are.

The real gap between men and women is the perception of value in both. I value someone who is on time, is fully engaged and doesn’t lie but he thinks I value the big gestures and money. Not so although of course they are nice to have.  (FuBo, ask me for my list of approved retailers)

As women we seem to think that he values things that most men say they care about but actually many don’t. This is a dating stock valuation not relationships as the two are quite different to men a. So your personality could be your downfall. I’m screwed. Ok let’s go

Age

This is inversely proportional to his age or for some must be younger. The risk of you wanting a relationship and kids increases with age and therefore devalues your stock. This is a concave bell curve though as after your child bearing years it goes back up. Hold on convex, concave….goes off to Dr. Google. An upside down bell curve?

The best thing is to choose an age you are confortable with and get away with. Don’t aim for under 30 if it’s clear that the years have not been kind.  I say if you don’t want to scare them off then try for under 32. This seems to be the age at which they start to think you’ll want to pop out a sprog quickly and trap them. Oh the arrogance. Men will tell you that 27-32 is their ideal age but for many it’s 22-29. They’re just trying to avoid hearing about how inconsiderate they are.

One of my exes only dates women who are 24/25 no matter what the age they are when they break up

You can lie for about 3 dates before the truth will have to come out. If you remember programmes from the seventies and they weren’t on repeat then he’s going to have figured it out.

Babies

This decreases your stock as he has to circumvent little people to get some. This is the main focus. Accessibility. Then they start to think about their economics.  Some men start thinking that they were will have to start supporting your children and this freaks them out especially if they don’t have them. We are constantly told that little people are very expensive. Surprisingly those who have their own can be the most judgemental of women that have children.

In some cultures it does prove that you are fertile and can have children. So you will be able to bear more. Again this isn’t relationship, he is looked at short term issues so the chances of him getting sex whenever he wants and costs. Will he have to bring Nandos for 5 instead of 2? That’s a whole different platter.

More to follow soon on Facebook and Dating Stock value.

© Chelsea Black