Last year Lois and I had a wild night out. I don’t remember all of it and that my precious is the beauty of getting delightfully drunk. You don’t have to remember all of it. I blogged what I remembered and promptly forgot about it.

Until today. I get a call and it’s from one of the guys that I snogged. I think there were 2…no I’m sure there were 2. It was one of those nights. I barely remember him but I remember that he was younger, lived far (beyond zone 6) and hadn’t bothered to get in touch in about a year. There is nothing else to know. The other victim was older and looked like he had a hard life. I can’t confuse the two. Hard life hung around for a while but I couldn’t face him lying about his age again.

He starts by explaining that he was going through his phone and came across my number. I like that he’s honest and doesn’t pretend that our connection was so strong that he’s been thinking about me for a year. Bublack guy downt I ask him why he’s calling me. And then he shares.

So he’s been unemployed for a few months, doesn’t have many friends as he has only been in the country for a few years and lives too far to go out in London much. There are not many black folk in his hood and he’s a little lost. So now he’s reaching out to relative strangers.  He’s French African and I think he was cute but my memory is blurry. Aren’t all men cute after 2 bottles of prosecco?

Then he tells me that the last time we spoke I was dismissive of him and he didn’t feel comfortable calling me as he figured I had a man. I asked him if he asked me and he said no but that he assumed that I was seeing someone. Right….so you disappear for a year and somehow it’s my fault? I see through this as the excuse it is and quickly lose interest in the conversation. He has nothing to say as he is stuck in a place that all of us have been in. The low of recession or unemployment.  I have been here and no one can get you out of it but you.

I hate this shit.

A guy that calls when he’s in a bad place has nothing to offer and is a potential energy leech. I know that years ago I would rush in and fix it for him. He stated that he doesn’t know many English people and that I was one of the few that he’s met that he likes. I recognise a cry for help but, I’m a selfish bitch black guy down 2and I can’t save another man. I can’t do it. It’s too exhausting and I need to save myself. Save someone else and they tend to leave you when they’re better for something younger and shinier. It’s fine to bolster a man you’re dating who goes through a slump but that isn’t the right way to start anything new.

Besides, I don’t think the snog was that memorable. Don’t judge my precious. I’m moving forward and not making the same mistakes I’ve made before .

© Chelsea Black

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups