9th tinderlogoMay 2016

I’d just had another birthday party and realised, I needed to get my arse in gear and get on this dating thing hard. Tinder dating.

So late last night I signed back onto tinder. Bestie and I giggled over profiles and cooed over others. Some were just so damn outrageous that we wanted to slap them. Instead I swiped left. (To the left, to the left, everything you don’t want is a swipe to the left)

It’s interesting to see how guys try to sell themselves.  I think a gym photo is always a good thing IF you go to the gym. If you don’t then maybe hold off. I saw a guy testing the power of a horse’s back today. The horse looked likditche it wanted to commit suicide and I wanted to report him to animal cruelty. Any hoo, I digress. There are a couple of problems with Tinder for me:

1)      I don’t have a Facebook photo of me so guys assume I’m trying to catfish or am uber ugly.

2)      I don’t like Tinder

All that aside I decide that, #40DayDating needs Tinder. It’s the biggest database of men in London. I can’t limit myself to websites like OKCupid and Plenty of Fish because, duh, I am limiting myself. As for EHarmony, I love you but you need to do a real black man recruitment drive. Otherwise I end up with Asians in far flung parts of the country who are just as disappointed as I am when the photo is revealed.

Back to Tinder and the photo thing is proving to be a bugbear. A couple of the guys shouted at me for not having one. I’m thinking, then why did you match me if you are so disgusted at my lack of a photo?  I swear some men are on here to give people a hard time. I’m happy to send one once I know you aren’t operating at a junior school or text speak level of communication. I have visual standards too.

So then I meet a guy who is clearly working for the MI5. He wants to know if I have kids, why I don’t have kids, am I planning to have kids and how many. Doesn’t mention his kids situation so I’m guessing child support is a concern. What’s with the interview? He wanted to know if that was my real age. He wanted to know what my real name was.  He then asked me for photos. One wasn’t enough. He needed more. Then after a few he concluded that I had nice legs and disappeared. I’m guessing he’s a boobs man?

Then there was the student. How are you a student and telling me it’s because you’re still finding yourself. How were you lost in your 40s. I think he’s looking for a bursar. I don’t have the funds to support him and my travel / concert / clothes habit. Something has to give and, it’s not me to him.

I met another who can’t speak in sentences longer than 5 words. It’s to the point yes but, boarding on rudeness. What’s your star sign? Where you live? You got a man? You into guys with big….Let’s just say this isn’t looking like lucky Mr FuHu Black

I have met a nice one but, more on him later. I’m hopeful. I’m willing to look past the fact that he has the same name as my ex. He’s mentioned actually meeting up. Of course, I haven’t sent him my photos yet….let’s hope he’s not a boob boy too.

#40DayDating day 1 isn’t going too badly.   I’ll keep you all updated

 

© Chelsea Black 2016

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups