chelseablack

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups

by

jogging pains

No comments yet

Categories: BLOG, DATING, Latest

jogging pains

 

Jogging pains

I’ve had a rant on facebook but clearly some of the men don’t understand why I’m ranting so I’ve decided to explain what happened to me today.

So every once in a while I eat way too much chocolate or drink way too much prosecco and I decide that I must go for a run. I would say 3 to 4 times a week I actually make it compared to the 6 to 7 times a week I indulge in treats. Don’t judge my precious. A life without treats is not a life for this princess.

I set off with my headphones on listening to Miguel and doing my waddle along the embankment. Not that clothing should matter but I had on black leggings and a long black top with my trainers and my wrist weights. I was taking this seriously even though it was only a 4 miler. As I cross over Prince Albert Bridge I see a guy pulled over and standing next to his car waving me across the road. There were other people along the Embankment and yet he was crossing over? I passed him, ignoring him and he beeped his car horn at me.  Beeping is the lowest form of interaction. I just can’t.

By this time I had moved on to some Britney tune and back focused on my run. Unbeknownst to me he got back in his car and drove by again and parked up.  Winding down his window he hollered. I lowered the music and shouted that I was running I didn’t have time to stop and sped off. I say sped, I mean waddled off at a steady 10 minute mile pace. I was in no mood to sprint.

He drove past again, slowed down and waved. I gave him the internationally recognised fuck off you twat scowl and ignored him. Yes there is a Dating Recession but picking up strangers in the street? It’s a step too far.

Now my thing is this. Why does he think that it’s ok to try to pick up women who are jogging? If anyone can answer this simple question I would be ever so grateful. I’m mid sweat. I’m focused on my form. I’m not checking out men in cars or seeing this as some sort of fashion show. So why?

Someone on Facebook suggested it was my fault for stopping. Another asked why I was running in high heels. HUH? So if there are any men out there who attempt to pick up women whilst they jog please stop doing this. It’s not a good look or a great story to tell the grandkids. “Yeah I was driving and I saw the batty on grandma and just had to stop and talk to her.”

So that’s it my precious. I may have to give up running and just accept that I will never be a single size again…nah. I love my waddles and no man will take that away from me. It is not common that we women complain about male attention. But sometimes we do have to say enough is enough, right? And before some idiot says I love it, no I don’t love it. Some men are just plain scary with their nigistence.

To waddling!

© Chelsea Black

by

Miss matched

No comments yet

Categories: BLOG, DATING, Latest, Tags: ,

sbf

 

So the other day I met a woman who was lamenting the woes of finding someone over 45. I can understand that at each age we all have a dating issue but at that age I do get it. Clubbing may not be something you are into anymore and it seems superficially that there aren’t that many single men at that age.

As we were talking she mentioned where she was from and I had one of those light bulb moments and thought of one of my male friends who was also single that could be a match. I thought about the obvious deal breakers. But they both had kids, the heights were a match and as I showed her his picture she quite fancied him. So I made the call.

Long story short they spoke, seemed to get on and exchanged numbers. He did call me later to make sure she wasn’t a minger but I assured him she wasn’t. My work here was done. With a fist punch to the air I exited stage left.

 

And then the call came.

Now I don’t ever have to worry about her seeing this post because the woman is a technophobe. She struggled to programme in his number to any of her 3 mobiles. (3 mobiles chica?, in one purse?) and as I heard later, she didn’t really know how to send her photo. She was also worried that he would post her photo all over the internet and her friends would laugh at her. I saw the photo. It was no porn shot. my precious.

I got everything she wanted in a man but I didn’t think hard enough about what men want. I thought a pretty face and not crazy were enough. Here are the things I should have checked for which, in my excitement I didn’t think to ask:

One, she only knew one part of London despite having lived here ALL of her life. When I told her where I lived she said that it was far and she didn’t know West London at all. Fair enough but it turns out she didn’t know North or South either. She was familiar with about 4 miles worth of east London and that was it. She had barely been abroad and hadn’t been back home for over 30 years. And they went on….

  • She was paranoid –She thought people were out to get her. Let’s just say her broken biscuits were covered in a see through paper
  • She was negative – she started everything with an excuse and why she hadn’t or couldn’t do it.
  • She didn’t really have any interests or hobbies of her own apart from her child .who was 28.
  • She seemed so stuck in a routine that she was looking for a man to save her.

So after a conversation with my male friend he was able to gather all of these facts. I did gain some of this knowledge when I met her but I just figured that he would be happy that she was cute. Apparently for some men that’s not enough…(if I’m honest he’s a curves man and she’s petite. What was I thinking.)

So alas this was a miss match. I tried my precious but I didn’t qualify what was important to him. Only to her. Lesson learned and next time I won’t be so quick to suggest until I get to know ole Broken Biscuits a bit better.

But I will continue in my plight to hook people up. Those that can’t date, match others.

Smooches

© Chelsea Black

by

Why I’m single

No comments yet

Categories: BLOG, DATING, Latest, Tags:

single woman

I’ve come to accept that the question “Why are you single?” isn’t the double edged insult I take it for. Some people genuinely are perplexed when they get to know you and you say you’ve been single for a long time. I know that I’m supposed to take their shock as a compliment. Whatever.  It’s not a disease!

So when a client said today that he couldn’t believe I was single I answered “I know! Right?” in my version of an English New Jersey chick accent. (this makes sense in my head.)

We made our way to a meeting where I advised him not to say too much (he has a tendency to give information that isn’t necessary) and we would be out of there in 10 minutes. An hour later and we left exhausted. But it was all over. As we were parting ways he said, “I know why you’re single.”

Oh? Was that an actual question earlier?

He then said, “You’re too strong willed and men don’t like that.”

So as I waited in the cold for a bus to a part of London that used to be Essex I thought about his statement and a few things struck me.

1)      I don’t remember asking for the reason I was single

2)      I don’t know that there is always a reason. Just circumstance or choice.

3)      How did I come across as too strong willed in an hours meeting? I was on my best behaviour!

4)      Why is the single girl always to blame? Doesn’t he know it’s all the men that I meet :P

5)      When will people stop labelling single as a negative thing?

6)      What is this new thing some people have about giving others feedback?

I’m not going to lie. It set me back my precious. I don’t want to have to examine myself and think that there is something wrong with me. Too strong willed? Is this another way of saying I won’t take shit? Well duh! But why should any woman take shit from anyone? (The meeting was with 2 women. One was aggressive the other passive aggressive.)

But then I got to thinking about it and I know that those who are in relationships feel that everyone else should be in one even if it’s not the right one. Mr Right Now? Like Sugar Brown I don’t have that time for that!

I’ve noticed this feedback phenomenon online and I think it’s seeping into real life. Online we actually do solicit comment from strangers. But like so many classic errors this shouldn’t be replicated in the real world. We must stop, think and appreciate that every individual is more than a culmination of hash tags and blogs. Or, their current financial or relationship status. Yes let’s not talk about your money boo boo.

So next time you feel the need to give your friend any advice, stop and think about whether or not they asked for it. Is this your role in life, to tell people about themselves? If you’re getting paid, cool but if not then maybe wait to be asked!

Now where’s the chocolate? Chocolate next talks back to me. Well, it does but it only says sweet things. Then goes and slaps itself on the arse behind my back.

Smooches!

© Chelsea Black

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 … 141 142