I used to love this song. Jealousy by Martin Solveig

So I’m a firm believer that a little jealousy is good for a relationship. Keeps you on your toes and means you never take the other person for granted. A lot of jealousy is just industrial strength drama and should be reserved for the crazy people who live off drama. That’s not for me. But the other day I came across a guy…let me start at the very beginning.

A few years ago I met a group of guys. I got that this one guy (let’s call him Psycho) liked me but it was his friend who tried to convince me and my friends to go home with them. There were a couple of issues. One they lived in East London and two the driver was drunk. I am clear that I don’t get into a car with a drunk driver. Life seriously is too short. He, being drunk got annoying and tried to bully me into it. I had a go at them all and stormed off to get my black cab home to the safety of west. I didn’t think much of it but the Olympics means that all sorts of random people have come out of the suburbs and into town. GREAT!

I bump into Psycho at a business networking event and he is giving me way too much attention. We exchange numbers which is the networking code for fuck off I’ll call you.  I start to work the room. There are 3 or 4 people I have to speak to. He follows me around and I ask him nicely to stop doing that. He seems to listen. I’m chatting to the Chief executive of the network when Psycho comes over and interrupts by introducing himself to the CEO. Let me be clear. Psycho has no business interests. In fact he spent ages telling me how he was going to be a student at the tender age of 44 for 2 years. Well that’s if he could find anyone to sponsor him.

We walk away and I tell him that what he did wasn’t cool and he needs to stop pretending that he’s my boyfriend . He says he understands. I stupidly believe him

I start talking to someone else and Psycho is still hovering.  I’m laughing with this new guy and Psycho doesn’t like it. He steps in and starts a dick fight with the other guy who hasn’t got a clue what’s going on. I decided to go home. No amount of alcohol was going to help me through this.

I’m in bed by 10pm watching rubbish online and mildly annoyed but getting over it.

1.34 my phone rings. I pick up without thinking and it’s him. The conversation is something like this

Me: Hello

Him: Hi, it’s me

Me: Who is me?

Him: Psycho

Me: Why are you calling me at…[look at phone] 1:34 in the morning.

Him: I wanted to make sure you got home ok

Me: Don’t’ fucking call me

Him: Ok. Sorry

The next day I got 3 phone calls from him then the following text message

Him: Hey I hope you forgave me, that time I had just arrive home and it was a good gesture/ caring of me to make sure that you arrived home safely. Otherwise have a pleasant day.

Was this idiot serious? And then it hit me. He didn’t want me talking to other guys and he was calling because he suspected I was in bed with someone else. All of this would have been unreasonable behaviour from a boyfriend but from someone I had just met that night? Come on son!

So jealousy before the first date? A bit premature me thinks. I’ve changed his name on my phone to Prick Headfuck so that I don’t pick up next time. Besides, he was more Will Young Jealousy than cool dance music jealousy any way. Jealousy – sing it with me!

© Chelsea Black

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups