Dude: Miss Chelsea….good morning

CB: Morning

Dude: How are ya my dear lady?

CB: All is well. You?

Dude: I’m well, giving thanks

CB: Awww good for you

Dude:  So…what are you up to today?

CB: Brunch with a friend who has a kid now. Not seen him in ages

Dude: Sounds like fun….has his kid got you feeling broody now?

CB: I’ve been broody since 2005

Dude:  What are you waiting for?

CB: The right dad

Dude: I’m sure you have many a potential suitor

CB: Potential being the operative word

Dude: Lol

Well…I’m throwing my hat in the ring should that eventually ever come about…I’m going to be a god-father lol

CB: You’re going to be a god father? Cute

Dude: Yep….I’ve decided lol

CB: Awwww you best get more daughters

Dude: Moi? Gonna give me some? Lol

CB: You couldn’t cope with me as a baby mother

Dude: Tell me more lol

CB: You know me well enough to know

Dude: Not well enough

CB: Funny, both you and NYE Mistake got in touch within 24 hours. Weird

Dude:  Really???? Interesting. Lol

Dude: And is he offering to impregnate you? Lol

CB: I bloody hope not

Dude: ROTFL. He’s a handsome bro. Looks like he would make handsome babies

CB: He’s not handsome but ok

Dude: Lol. So are you dating?

CB: I’m always dating

Dude: Nice

CB: What about you? You were seeing some woman I recall before you went home?

Dude: That was ages ago. Been single about a year. Every so often I’ll go for a meal with someone

CB: Fair enough. Good to keep the skills up

Dude: They are very rusty. ..I need more practice

CB: I’m sure you’re fine. You’ve had years to finesse

Dude: Can you help a brother?

CB: You don’t need help dear. You probably know more people than I do

NEXT DAY

Dude : Enjoy your meetup with your friend? ROTFL

CB: The one with the baby? Yes she was totally delicious.

Dude: This has been a very quiet year

CB: Yes we’ve all struggled

Dude: I think we ought to have some drinks

CB: I’m sure you’ll be back strong and hard in 2014

Dude: When shall we meet up?

CB: what for ?I’m not out of practice!

Dude: Lol

  • Today

Dude: I still think we should practice lol

CB: You’re a joker.I’m sure you can find plenty of willing women to practice with.

Dude: Anyway. .wanna practice with you so I can be super-duper lol

Side convie about a friend.

Dude: Great. So…how was your weekend?

CB: It was ok. A lot of blasts from the pasts

Dude: Is that a good thing?

CB: You men, winter approaches and suddenly you are all nostalgic or something. No, not really. They are past for a reason. Moving forward only. Never back

Dude: ROtFl…..I’d been meaning to say howdy for a long time but just never got round to it as it had been a while since we last spoke….

Caught up with lots of people I hadn’t spoken to in a while the other day and thought I’d reach out to you also

CB: right….

Dude: You sound so cynical

CB: I’m a cynic, yes

Dude: As though all of us brothers had a conference call and decided we’d all contact you lol

CB: I’m wary when people pop up out of the blue especially at the same time as their friends.

Exactly! I’m sure there is a bet or something sinister in there somewhere. Bad rom com fodder

Dude: I’ve not spoken to NYE Mistake since shortly after your party

CB: hmmmm I guess it’s the energy in the universe then

Dude: Must be…

CB: hmmmmm. There have been 5 this week alone. I’ don’t know

Dude: I tend to do this on a regular basis and normally around this time…as I reflect on life, friends and things that have happened during the year

CB: It has been nearly 2 years….I guess that’s good going

Dude: I’ve caught up with a number of friends I haven’t spoken to in up to 5 years. I become very reflective towards the end of each year

CB: Yes and winter makes people think about warmer times maybe?

Dude: Nah not me….my home is warm all year round lol

CB: hmmmmmm.

I post about needing to lose weight

Dude. You didn’t look like you need to lose any the last time I saw you….you looked simply amazing

CB: It has been 2 years dear

Dude: No….saw you at an event earlier this year

CB: ah yes.

Dude: Maybe we need to be settled huh?

CB: I don’t think it’s that. It’s been a torrid 18 months. Stress is the key

Dude: Maybe I need a wife…and less stress lol

CB: a wife is less stress? that’s a new one

 

Dude: No…I think the two are mutually exclusive lol. A wife who lives in her own home and I live in my and we connect for conjugal relations ….and dinner lol

CB: I see. Good luck with that one. London property prices? hmmmm

Dude: Who says I’m paying to keep her…having access to me will be enough recompense for the interesting communal configuration lol

CB: lol – I see

Dude: Are you ready to settle down and have children?

CB: I told you, I’ve been ready for years. I’m just waiting for the right person to do it all with

Dude: What are you looking for?

CB: I don’t want to be prescriptive. I just know when the energy is near. The problem is circumstances

Dude: Yours or theirs?

CB: theirs

Dude: Interesting

CB: I’m not willing to take risks on potential anymore

Dude: And you’ve not met anyone ‘settled’ in the rarified circles you move in??

CB:  No. Most are still at the embryonic stages. It’s like start ups and the stage we are at. I’m not a start-up, I’m changing direction. No point me being with someone still deciding between a ltd company and a sole trader set up

Dude: Well life has a way of literally overnight causing the most ‘settled’ to have to restart….this is effectively my 3rd start in the last 20 years

CB: But starting isn’t the problem with experience

Dude: Lol….ltd and sole trader. That’s hilarious

CB: I’m talking about those with no entrepreneurial experience to date

Dude: Oh ok…thought you meant someone reconfiguring

CB: I can get with someone reconfiguring as there is a plan there. I can’t get with someone who has never moved out of home or has a good idea but no idea of how they will implement it. Life is too short for that hence not dating potential

Dude: I hear that totally. I was musing on relationships and what I’m looking for….and I finally realised I want a composite of a number of people

CB: go on …

Dude: Keep meeting people with elements of what I like/want but not enough of one thing in particular to keep me interested long enough

For example, will meet someone very attractive…but…err hmmm…not intellectually stimulating for me

CB: hahahaha. I hear you. Hard to get a balance. Something has to give

Dude: Or someone intellectually stimulating but who doesn’t want children or to ever leave the UK lol

CB: I think as long as they know how to love and have plans for themselves and a relationship they should be fine

Dude:  I’m so ready for an adventure…with the right woman. I want to live a life worth remembering. One worthy of who I/we are as humans

CB: Well it’s good to be ready.  You’ll start attracting the right sort now

Dude: I am so ready to create an amazing experience….journey with the right person….and create lovely babies lol

CB: Maybe we have to be honest and say we weren’t ready before

Dude: I been attracting some crazy bitches over the last 10 years….did I tell you I was stalked for about a year lol

CB: You did mention it I think. Yeah there is crazy out there

Dude: Lol. I don’t want any more crazies. Just wanna meet Mama Afrika

CB: lol. I’m sure you will. You’ve put it out there

Dude: Amen….from my mouth to God’s ears

Dude: I’ve always thought you very charming, witty, attractive and very slightly eccentric….I like that

CB: lol at eccentric. thank you

Dude: Eccentric is lovely…as in uncommon

CB: Well everyone is eccentric to a degree I suppose

Dude: Indeed lol. You’re just what I’m looking for . *i think* lol

CB: You’re funny.

Dude: Lol

CB: 2 years is a long time. You don’t remember me clearly

Dude: Clearly ROtFl

CB: I’m going to have to blog about this. You guys are hilarious at times

Dude: ROTFL. You women bring the best out of us lol

CB: well I appreciate the sentiment even if it’s misplaced

Dude: Misplaced? Never lol

CB: Yes, you misplaced it for 2 years

Dude: Nah – I honestly thought you and NYE Mistake were close and so thought I’d step back….then met someone and ….well…focused on work and now….want babies and I think you would make lovely babes lol

CB: HAHAHAHA

Dude: ROTFL

CB: NYE mistake and I? We were sex. that’s it. Once!

Dude: Oh ok – thought it was much more than that

CB: Come on dude. I’m not the one. But I’m flattered

From whose side? NYE mistake needs to learn to tell the truth before he can be with anyone. besides it’s clear from my fb that I’m quite single

Dude: well I only ever saw you and him for that matter that once…there was chemistry and the last time I saw him…the brother was whispering sweet nuffinks in your ear as I was making my excuses and leaving ya’ll together. he looked as though he was in love with you lol

CB: No. It was lust. I was the last woman in the room

Dude: I thought it was lurve lol

CB: Joker. no

Dude: so you should have told me…i would have run him and i would have stayed for breakfast lol

CB: you shouldn’t have made assumptions based on so little. You should have asked. You never did. Hence I don’t believe you now

Dude: I don’t ordinarily make assumptions…I’m normally very direct but…in that one instance i assumed you and dear NYE Mistake were closer than close.

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups