September 10, 2012 by

A quick drink

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Categories: BLOG, DATING, Latest

So Friday night I had plans. I was going to go for a quick drink then to a singles networking event. I got home around 2, drunk and piecing together the night through flashbacks and badly taken photographs. They really need to release this new iPhone already so that I can upgrade from crackberry. I never made it to the networking event.

I will say this about the spontaneous night out. Nothing beats it for meeting new people in London. I woke up to 3 new numbers in my phone.  I discovered a new bar in Shoreditch and I have determined that all my misery lies at the feet of one bottle of rose …I’ll ignore the 4 bottles of champers.

Yes, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. So let’s breakdown the characters :

Lois – the friend who whatsapp’d about a quick drink. We always have random fun but this was uber random.

Neil – the married friend from her office who tagged along. Sexual tension between these two but I said nothing cos I’m a lady. OK. I did say something. I’m a romantic.

Gay skinny white dude – so gay, so white and I’ve got the dancing bruises to prove it. It was his leaving do. It was like being out with a young Kenneth Williams on tequila.

Ex con – the guy who lied and said he was 32? Yes 10-15 years ago. As someone who lies about their age I will say that people aren’t meant to gasp in horror at your lie. Pause maybe but not gasp.  Yes you look like you had a hard life but dude, knocking 10 years off your age isn’t fooling anyone. He took a shining to yours truly but kept referring to my back off. People use that word? Apparently he likes women with legs and tits. I assumed that this was code for white women so didn’t take him too seriously.

Ann – she had her Ann Summers ensemble on as outer wear. A girl after my own heart. She was into Ex con though so we developed this weird 3 way. She had legs and tits. I had back off. Was ex-con angling for a 3 way? I guess we will never remember.  I just remember some bad white girl dancing at the end. More me than her. Lots of bruises.

The boys from Cameroon – I picked them up in the first bar. One was too quiet to bother with but the other was kind enough to provide some snogging action later. Nothing like a snog to round off the night.

There was a lot of dancing, way too much drinking and a bit of flirting. Yes I’m a tad flirty it would seem but I blame it on East London. It’s just so dry! 😛 .

Ex – con called the next day and left a cute message. Against my better judgement I called back. He had that embarrassed “caught ya” voice as I heard kids in the background. NEXT!

Cameroon called 2 days later to see if I got home safely. I told him that clearly if he was that worried a call an hour after I left the bar would have been better? He seemed slow to grasp this concept. I just can’t train a newbie in dating etiquette. NEXT!

So despite having a great night out I ended up in a cab calling my Fubby who is Long Distance Call away.

Alas it’s Monday and the one thing is that we have the weekend to look forward to. Have a fabulous week folks!

© Chelsea Black



Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups

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