(this is a series of blogs over the week)

A fool, a fancy and a fuck

So there are a number of male behaviours that I find particularly strange. The most recent being the long awaited apology for past behaviours that were either stupid, selfish or technically illegal. I’m not really one to listen to apologies except as a way of validating the fact that I knew you were a [insert appropriate word here] back then and you have finally caught up in thinking. But recently it has become a pandemic. Why are all of these men trying to apologise. Is the Universe testing my readiness for dating or is this a way of cleansing me from all the past hurts? I’m yet to find out.

OK, so the stories.

Let’s start with the fool :

So a few years ago after a new years party I slept with a friend. This was a mistake on so many levels but I comfort myself with the knowledge that I didn’t like him that much beforehand. I use friend loosely. He’s overweight but thinks he still looks like he did at 20. Dude was 39.

Let me go back. I was drunk and didn’t really consider the fact that he’s the worst kind of flirt. I was tired and figured it would be lovely to have someone to help cleanup in the morning. There is nowt lonelier than the morning after cleanup which for me is done the night after.

So we had had sex once.  I call this a one night stand. He took this to mean I was in love with him. I don’t think I can be in love with someone who is selfish in bed and was the result of one bottle of prosecco too many but that’s just me. Dude was uber selfish.

fool guyHe then chose to be an arse which is normal fool like behaviour post sex. You know how it goes; The promised dinner date that never happened; The coffee date where his phone suddenly wasn’t working? It all came to a head at a group night out when he got upset because I told him that he was a liar and I was bored of it. He stormed off and I thought I would never hear from him again.

Alas I’m never right about these men. A few days ago I got the following series of texts after over a year of silence. Silence that I had adored.

Fool: How are things? It’s been a while thought I would reach out.

My thoughts? Reach out for what? Reach out and touch? Oh hell no. A winter warmer or an invite to parties over the holiday? Someone has probably just broken up with somebody, is 40something and reflective. I didn’t feel that this justified an answer. But blocking him would also suggest I was still annoyed with his nonsense and I couldn’t be arsed with the drama so I just ignored it.

Fool: I have not been to an event in a long time. Lots happening keep in touch. Fool

Oooooooh he knows I love gossip so he tries to draw me in with that! But I hold firm. I am not that woman any more. I don’t need to know about his happy news, right?

Fool: I am surprised as I thought we were on talking terms.

How did he think we were on talking terms after a year of silence?

Selfish sex, a sulker and a liar? I just can’t justify the emotional out lay on this dude.

Oh look, he’s deleted me from his Facebook friends? I think I’m going to cry! Part of me does wonder at the gossip though. But I’ll avoid the need to buy clothes for his new born or an engagement gift thank you kindly.

*Blocks and moves on*

© Chelsea Black

 

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups