eating popcorn

7 Reasons I love to cinema alone.

I confess that I’m a movie moaner which is why I don’t cinema often but when I do I tend to cinema alone. I can’t be bothered with the waiting on people to turn up because I’ve got the tickets. I go solo, get a decent seat and chill with my snacks and blanket. Yes! I blanket. Those places don’t like central heating apparently. So here goes my reasons:

1.       Talking. Why are you, your boo, friend, cheat partner talking all the way through? Isn’t that what Nandos afterwards is for?

2.       Those who clearly haven’t seen this film or any film ever. All will be revealed. Chill and stop asking strangers to guide you through the darkness of a basic plot.

3.       Eating loudly. I get it. You’re enjoying your food But do you seriously need to Mmmmm over the nachos? Nah, you’re just being extra

4.       Speaking of which, one guy ate everything at the concession stand. Hot dog, nachos, popcorn, a supersized drink, sweets, It was a two hour extravaganza of watching him get through the mountain of food…..loudly.

5.       Latecomers. Just go see something else or learn to jump over chairs. I’m not here to move. 

6.       How are you an adult and you haven’t learned to go to the loo before the movie starts? Hold it in like a champ! Kegals.

7.       Constant coughs, fidgety, loud bodied people. I beg you check yourself. Public etiquette?

So now I sneak into cinemas late at night or early morning. Oh and, shower first please? Nothing worse than being in an allocated seat next to a post pubescent man who doesn’t know how to wash himself for 150 hours.

That’s me done. I’m off to buy a DVD player

 

©Chelsea Black 2018

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups