We’re back with part 2 of 5 ways to make a man disappear. What, you mean he’s still there? Try harder my precious, try harder!

Smooches

Chelsea x

3)      Call often

poofAh the joys of cell phones. This means that it’s never too late to call your beloved. And I mean never. I once had a guy call me at 3am to tell me how much he hated me. I hated the fact that he was obsessive and owed me money but, there’s a thin line between love and hate.

Of course we have to assume that he’s not cheating so, why would he not want to have a beautiful and long conversation with you at 2am? Don’t be shy. Call. If he loves you he’ll not question why you decided now is the time to ask him why he thinks that Mindy and Chris Messini can’t stay together because the ratings will go down and will Mindy ever date a non-white guy? These are early morning questions.

Of course, he may see this as a booty call so let him know that you’re wearing your flannel PJs and that you’re not in the mood for sex. That’ll help. Call him when he’s too far away to pop round and you have very little to say but just want to hear his voice.

Oh and don’t forget to call him to remind him that you exist. Yes, he’ll stop answering your calls and telling you that his phone was on voicemail or dead. But don’t let that deter you. You need to be stay strong.

4)      Text regularly

Texting and not calling is a great alternative. I love text banter but there are times when it’s one way. Don’t be put off by his lack of response. Let him know that you have 101 witty to say. My advice would be no more than 40….no 50 texts a date. Share your feelings, hope and dreams. Give him something to look at that tells him that you’re a little cray cray. That’s why texting was invented.

You really don’t want to text if you have lots to say but I say have at least 3 of 4 long texts on standby for those moments when you’re tipsy and your spelling isn’t right. Drunken dialling is lovely but remember that tipsy texting can be shown to a court judge when he charges you with harassment. Texting tipsy always seems like a good idea but trust me, you want to plan these things out carefully.

If he answers with just OK know that he’s reading everything and that you’re efforts aren’t in vain.

5)      Show some emotions

Crying, anger and the beauty of flipping out are all things you save for the love of your life.

There is a myth that men don’t like to see emotion. This is a lie. They love it. Especially when you’re showing them how much they’ve hurt your feelings. Yes indeedy, let those tears roll down your face as you tell him why you don’t think it’s right that he still sees his ex-girlfriend or why him forgetting your birthday makes you angry. Hello, you have a 10 more shopping days song and dance and dude STILL forgot? This isn’t a life. You don’t deserve better but you deserve to tell him how you feel and watch him disappear into the chair.

I wish you all luck as you embark on this new way of communicating with your men folk. Being honest and constantly in contact can and will only bring you closer, right?

Toodles,

© Chelsea Black 2014

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups