As most of you know I decided to take a dating break in 2012. I was fed up after yet another disastrous third date. I know my precious but sometimes you’re just glad that you made it past the tricky first date! It stood to reason that this meant I should also take a break from sex although sex and dating aren’t necessarily interlinked. So I did just that… reluctantly. I planned a year off but somehow it turned into 21 months and 21 days. This is why it dragged on so long and what I learned:
- Sex can seriously be overrated.
Let’s look at the facts. Most of the time sex doesn’t last long. You have to build up to it with texts and flirts before they arrive at your door in house clothes and bed you. An hour later you want them out of your flat and they want to sleep. Wait what? So all of the prep for a snoring lump in your bed? I don’t understand why we put up with it and call it equality. What’s equal about him giving you one round and passing out? And did the earth move for you? Unless this is a regular friends with benefits situation (hard to find good staff these days) or he’s an ex (you know one of you is going to ruin it by talking) chances are that it wasn’t that great. Most of us chase the excitement of sex not the sex itself.
Towards the end of year one I met a dude. I told him that we would have to wait over 2 months to have sex. He was fine with it. But I somehow managed to break up with him 5 days before the year was up. I’d given him way too many strikes in that time anticipating that this would be the one I ‘gave’ myself too ( I know, I got really Mills & Boon) and realised that he wasn’t worth the effort.
3. You’re going to get fussier
Which leads me to how fussy one gets. I think before the celibacy my standards were questionable and I thought even wastemen deserved love but that’s not true. They don’t deserve love and they most certainly don’t deserve to get any from me. So my standards got higher and it was easier to dismiss those that I had no real long term interest in. It forced me to ask myself the question that no woman likes to ask herself but should: If I were to fall pregnant would my child ever forgive me for choosing this as their sperm daddy? And the answer was usually no, they wouldn’t forgive and I would live with a diva who looked at me like I look at reality TV contestants; with quiet contempt.
4. Your porn and / or erotic intake is going to double…..or triple.
It got so bad that I didn’t even bother with anything that wasn’t new on sites because I’d (cough) seen or read it all? I’m already fussy and can’t watch anything that has a communist interior design or is too ghetto fabulous. I know my precious and yet, somehow I manage to be a porn snob. I’m still also fuming at Mr Marcus for his porn stupidity denying me the pleasure of his company. You’re also going to find yourself taking up old hobbies again. I don’t think my sudden need for French classes was accidental.
But I’m glad that I did do it. Call it a meditation for the dating soul. My emotions and body needed the break from idiots and as trite as it sounds it created the space for a better quality of people into my dating space. I know my precious, we’re growing up!
© Chelsea Black