Inspired by a Let’s Talk conversation I’ve been thinking about why I don’t really enjoy dating broke dudes. I actually ndating brokeow have a zero tolerance policy on it. These 4 are my evidence to support my position. I can’t say jobless as they all had part time somethings but they were broke and dating broke is no joke!

The forgetful one

This guy was a part time DJ with a part time attitude.  He was funny but that’s not paying bills. We went to Nandos where he insisted on paying (£18)  and thought that meant he’d paid to doll out  overly sexual or insulting compliments. He opened with, ‘I thought you’d be more sensual in real life.’ We then went to a bar /restaurant where he forgot his wallet in the cloack room and another   bar where he wasn’t thirsty…for alcohol. He then jumped into a cab home with me because he was chivalrous and insisted on making sure that I got home safely. Or was it the bus? Either way he was forced to stay over as he couldn’t afford the cab back east.

The next time we met we went to Islington and he forgot his wallet. Like seriously? I know your situation, just say we need to be a Nandos only relationship. I’m one chica that actually doesn’t mind!

The Scrooge

We went to the supermarket where he bought the cheapest cuts of …well, veg. There wasn’t a lot of meat in that theribsre basket. It’s like he didn’t know me. Later that night he proceeded to give me the smallest portion of rice I’ve ever seen an African eat. Was I being forced on Atkins? Did he really wince at his $40 grocery bill? But some people are careful with food. Might have been because he was saving his money for drugs but, who knows. I didn’t even get a Valentine’s day present. The signs were so there.

And then we went out for lunch on him. Over a week we went out….Well that once. I know he had money as the day before he’d bought himself something for his “job” (6 hours paid and the rest was made up from what I could tell). We chose our meals carefully telling the waitress and then I suddenly realised that I was hungry enough to have a starter so I ordered an $18 ribs to share? The look this man gave me. I felt him sweat as the waitress waltzed off. . The ribs came and it was so uncomfortable that I ended up throwing in money at the end because clearly he didn’t bank on me having an appetite that day.

The Student

Ok I’m all for studentsdating broke 2 (I’m not all for students) but this one thought that our first date should be a take away that I brought over and paid for as well as one of his DVDs. IS there no consideration for health and safety anymore. IF you’re broke can’t we go for a walk or a picnic or something? Why must I be going to places named Elephant and Castle walking around estates that I don’t know looking for a dude watching Die Hard 3 for the 15th time? It just doesn’t made sense. I politely declined. He called me stoosh.

The Joke

So this guy had money. He said he was an investment banker but turns out he was in Hedge Funds but I could get over that. He took me for a Marco Pierre White meal and it was alright but I’m not a fan of rich, pretentious food. Afterwards I really needed to be near my bathroom so I declined his kind offer to come back to Bethnal Green to his flat and fuck.

Months later I see him drunk in the streets of Shoreditch and he has a go at me because he spent all that money and I didn’t put out. I didn’t do my part of the financial exchange apparently. His proper British Hedge Fund accent was slipping fast and he was all Naija that night. Oh well.

And so my precious I recognise that men see paying on dates or dates as an expensive thing which has consequences. They’re not in it for  your company. I wouldn’t suggest that you date broke however because you’re then the one paying for the joy of having a man fuck you. That’s just twisted. Yes you may call it love and getting to know you but most just want to fuck.

Why don’t we all just go dutch and have fun. I’ve decided that if he’s broke then he’s not for me. I’d rather solo date.Then again, if he’s broke you’re more likely to know where he’ll be of an evening. Check the TV schedule.

This is to no more broke dudes. My purse can’t take it.

© Chelsea Black 2014

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups