So I attended a singles mixer the other day and people, we need to do better!

I’m writing a guide to the singles mixer as, clearly, some people are still struggling? Why not link it to the senses? Sensing the singles mixer sounded like an easy enough write until Proprioception.  I couldn’t think of anything for proprioception so left that one out. Here’s the problem:  

Singles Mixer
Couples Dancing And Drinking At Evening Party

Sight

 Someone turned up in their Primani leggings circa season 2013 and a jumper that definitely hadn’t been washed since the lunch spillage earlier in the week.  Another decided that a hoodie and some dirty jeans was the look he wanted to promote himself. A statement piece of modern-day art if you will?

I get it, you want them to see the real you and accept you as you are now. I know we want to be loved for who we are but, can we get some perspective please. You wouldn’t turn up to a job interview in leggings and a dirty t shirt so why a bar in central London for a singles mixer? There are loads of ‘work to date’ articles out there for ladies and guys, just dress in fitting and black. You can’t go wrong.

I think if you can’t make an effort in a room where you know everyone is there looking for a partner then you really should stick to online dating in your undies and white beaker vest. The rest of us thank you for staying at home.

Sound

I get that some people deem themselves to be shy but there are a number of things you need to do. Talk to others and listen to their responses. Listening is key. Try to listen to what they’re saying as well as what they are not saying.  

I don’t recommend that you stand in a noisy part of the event or spend the whole time cutting shapes on the dance flower. Peacocking is cute but the only thing you’re hearing is the beat, Fam.

Have things to talk about but don’t dominate the questioning or go into monologues. Show interest in the other people at the event of both sexes. You never know who has an ex, a brother , a colleague who would be perfect for you.  

Taste

If there’s food, eat. Don’t be that person who stands there not partaking of the food and drink. One it’s a conversation starter but it also shows how you eat. Now, another warning, if you are not a neat eater then maybe now is the time to be mindful of how you eat. Boys with beards….I don’t need to tell you the hazards.  Do that mirror check afterwards please. I don’t want to talk to a cheesy beard.

Touch

Engage with people. It’s not an interview it’s a conversation. This means gesturing and touching and expressing your emotions fully.  Don’t be creepy though. What’s with the hands on waist or boob graze approach? You don’t need to be a sleaze.

I saw someone trying to teach someone the basic salsa dance moves which was a simple way to touch someone without being a douche or aggressive. Turns out he is a douche but, that’s a whole other story! Arms, stick to arms and hands and upper back. The safe zones.  

Smell

It upsets me to say this but, please wash body and brush teeth. Your clothes shouldn’t be musty or unwashed. These are social basics. I shouldn’t have to say this surely but, yesterday it became clear that I do as one guy reeked and one of the women was an enthusiastic mouth breather sans minty freshness.

Also if you smoke. Try to refrain. It’s so off putting when you’ve just come back from a smoke break and you’re standing close trying to be sexy.  Mints are your Mixer best mate. Don’t be shy about popping them

If you have a signature perfume then take that with you. It’s nice to be remembered for smelling unique for all of the right reasons.

Vestibular

Movement. Don’t sit down throughout the whole event waiting for people to come and talk to you like you’re holding court.  Make an effort. You’re not Beyoncé. You immediately become more accessible and approachable. You can escape an ardent person with haste.

Also, standing makes any outfit look better. And you are fluid in your expression. It’s a win. No belly muffin top due to a dipping sofa. 

The Singles Mixer Golden Rule

Overall you should go with the flow and try to have a great time. People respond to people who don’t take themselves too seriously and understand that the chances are you will have a laugh and not necessarily meet the love of your life at every mixer. But you could meet the right one for now, a best friend or the brother to your future lover.

It’s fun, not a trip to the dentist or a job interview. Best of luck folks!

© Chelsea Black 2019